Milestone Birthday Card

£2.50

"do you want to do anything for your milestone birthday coming up?" "no I fucking don't"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Segway Bat Card

£2.50

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Taken from the Mindless Violence Colouring Book   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Monday Morning Wine Card

£2.50

"excuse me, what wine would you recommend for a monday morning?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Birthday Day Off Card

£2.50

"I see you've applied for a day off on your birthday" "yeah, imagine being stuck in this shithole on your birthday" An apt birthday card for a colleague, employee, boss, or anyone who's used up all their holiday time and are feeling sorry for themselves.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten...

For a Special Lady Card

£2.50

Because the lady loves... fags and wine in bed.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.   

Ed Sheeran Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Ed Sheeran Card "Alexa, play Ed Sheeran" "do I have to?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.   

Getting Home Early Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Getting Home Early Card "ok what does success look like to everyone?" "getting home early?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Beer In Bed Card

£2.50

"On Your Special Day" Celebrate someone's birthday by bringing them a beer in bed. And this Stroller card. Sorted.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Boring Meeting Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Boring Meeting Card "ok if I look at my phone for a bit, this meeting's boring the fuck out of me"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Chill Out Yeah Card

£2.50

"how much is your meditation course?" "80 quid" "well that's fucking wound me right up for a start"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Birthday Present Card

£2.50

"didn't I give this to you for Christmas?" "yeah I didn't like it, happy birthday"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

Play To Win Card

£2.25 £1.00

"You Play To Win" A Stroller card for the discerning sportsman.

Work Robot Card

£2.50

"I'm worried about the effects of new technology on my work prospects" "Don't panic, we offered your job to a robot and he didn't want it"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Brow Bar Card

£2.50

"I've got a big meeting coming up, can you make me look like I'm really interested" If you pay extra you can get them tattooed on so that you permanently look like you're questioning your choices in life.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to...

Sale!

Weekend Parents on Landline Card

£2.25 £1.00

One of our parents is trying to call us on the landline. Anyone going to answer?

Jetty Zen Kick Card

£2.50

Beautiful surroundings and chilled out zen vibe for this Birthday message.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Pantathlon Card

£2.50

Tossary of Terms card range - Pantathlon Card Lifted from The Tossary of Terms book which identifies and defines new words and phrases for a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed.    You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below...

Kiplings Smog Card

£2.50

Tossary of Terms card range - Kiplings Smog Card The Tossary of Terms identifies and defines, with new words and phrases, a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed.    You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your...

Bloody Fucking Hell Card

£2.50

Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Bloody Fucking Hell Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card.    You can send this card direct to your mates or family...

Fucking Old Bastard Card

£2.50

Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Fucking Old Bastard Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card.    You can send this card direct to your mates or...

Face Like A Wanker Card

£2.50

Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Face Like A Wanker Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card.    You can send this card direct to your mates or family...

Back Sack Twat Card

£2.50

Tossary of Terms card range - Back Sack Twat Card From the Tossary of Terms book which identifies and defines new words and phrases with a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed.    You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket...

Smug Goblet Card

£2.50

Tossary of Terms card range - Smug Goblet Card From the Tossary of Terms book which identifies and defines new words and phrases with a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed.    You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below...

Buggering Old Twat Card

£2.50

Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Buggering Old Twat Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card.    You can send this card direct to your mates or family...

Christmas Game Card

£2.50

''one word...''''bollocks''

Seasonal Bollocks Card

£2.50

Seasonal Bollocks Card Seasonal Bollocks to You

Santa's Grotto Christmas Card

£2.50

"hello, and what would you like for Christmas?""I dunno, you fucking work it out."

Christmas Argument Card

£2.50

Christmas Argument Card"yeah all good here thanks, we've had the meal and we'rejust getting ready for the argument."

Seagull Cutbacks Card

£2.50

"we thought we'd try something a bit different this year.""is that a seagull?"

Christmas Dinner Card

£2.50

"this is nice all sitting down for Christmas dinner""not if you talk all through this film, which I might add is shit"

Replacement Bus Card

£2.50

"this is the most up to date set, it comes with a replacement bus service"

SAD Mince Pie Card

£2.50

Seasonal Affective Disorder Mince Pie Christmas Card"next door want to know if we'd like to pop over for a mince pie""I've got a fucking mince pie"

Working Day Lie Down Card

£2.50

Working Day too much? Have a drink and a lie down.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

SAD Robin Card

£2.50

"that robin's in the garden again""have you tried throwing something at it?"

Recycled Tree Card

£2.50

Recycled Tree Card "No Christmas tree this year?"  "Steve likes to wait until Boxing Day so we can get one out of the recycling area"

Work Team Player Card

£2.50

"hi sorry I'm late, I couldn't be fucked to get here any quicker"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Christmas Jumper Card

£2.50

"what d'you reckon?""yeah I like it.""It's not too tight around the arms is it?"

Santa Website Card

£2.50

''look at this website showing a satellite image of where santa is currently delivering presents''''obviously fucking bullshit''

Cheese & Wine Decorations Card

£2.50

Cheese & Wine Decorations Christmas Card"All our Christmas cards are totally hand made this year.""I wondered why it all looked so fucking shit."This one is dedicated to Kirsty Allsopp.

SAD Christmas Walk Card

£2.50

"do you want to come out for a Christmas Walk?" "no I fucking don't."  

Santa Skiing Holiday Card

£2.50

"Congratulations you've got the job""Cheers, I need a couple of weeks off in December, I've got a skiing holiday booked"

Family Tree Card

£2.50

"I've been doing the family tree and it turns out none of us are related.""Can we all go home then?"

Goat Present Card

£2.50

"d'you get any good presents?" "yeah, me Aunty Jean got me a goat, but they delivered it to somewhere in Africa... Unbelievable."

Christmas List Card

£2.50

Christmas List Card "would you like me to get you a calendar this year?" "no I'm ok with this system thanks"

Moody Cunt Card

£2.50

"Happy Birthday You Moody Cunt" Send many happy returns of the day to the moody cunt in your life. Enough said.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Ideas Meeting Card

£2.50

"don't think about it, just say it" "Fuck you" Dream meeting scenario.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Christmas Armistice Card

£2.50

"It's from your sister, she wants to know if we'd be up for a Christmas present armistice?""Yeah send her one back, see if she's up for skipping the meal as well"

Christmas Centrepiece Card

£2.50

''everyone ok with me wearing my new Christmas underwear?''

Punctuation Apostrophe Business Card

£2.50

"How's the old apostrophe business?" "Yeah bit quiet. Had a false call out for a carrot sign last night. Greengrocer thought he needed a possessive, turned out he was after a straight plural."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it...

Special Day Dustbin Card

£2.50

It's your special day. Sit around, have a little walkabout, drink some beer and honk your guts up into a dustbin. Classic.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Cheese & Wine Goose Card

£2.50

"I hear Peter's having goose for Christmas." "Peter's a fucking ponce."

Good Christmas Card

£2.50

''good christmas?''''yeah, just sat in front of the telly eating crisps all day''

New Year Emoji Card

£2.50

New Year Emoji Card "In case my Happy New Year text doesn't get through later on, I thought I'd just say Happy New Year, thumbs up" "cheers, same to you but with an added champagne bottle and party popper emoji thing yeah?"

Do What You Want Card

£2.50

"It's Your Special Day - Do What You Fucking Want With it Yeah" A Stroller greetings card that captures the true spirit of celebration days: watching TV and doing fuck-all.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Carol Singer Card

£2.50

Carol Singer Card "I sang a carol earlier when you were out so I just popped back to pick up me cash"

Card Pack Card

£2.50

Card Pack Card "didn't you give us this card last year?" "yeah I bought a pack of 20"

Baseball Bat Card

£2.50

Seasonal Mood Card Get the bat ready.

Festive Footprint Card

£2.50

Festive Footprint Christmas Card "are these trees from an organically sustainable source?" "why what you going to do, fucking eat it or something?"

Hacked Bank Account Card

£2.50

"what makes you think your account has been hacked?" "'cos there's some money in it?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Seasonal Pervert Card

£2.50

"Merry Christmas mate, here's a video of me trying on all your wife's new underwear"

Moody Cunt Christmas Card

£2.50

'Happy Christmas You Moody Cunt'

Not Taking Your Coat Off Card

£2.50

"Not taking your coat off Dave?""He only agreed to come because he thought you'd have the heating on"

Seasonal Cutbacks Kids Card

£2.50

"Sorry kids the figures just aren't stacking up, we're going to have to make a couple of you redundant."

Health Monitor Card

£2.50

"how you getting on with your health monitor wristband?" "yeah, I've found I'm getting much better results since I stuck it on the dog"

Tree Stylist Card

£2.50

Tree Stylist Card "I'm really not sure about it" "Hi, yeah I need a number for a 24 hour tree stylist"

Cutbacks Lights Card

£2.50

''I've had to cut back a bit this year, normally I turn them on in September''

Sale!

Working Day Clear My Mind Card

£2.25 £1.00

As you get nearer to your place of work do you totally clear your mind until there's fuck all in it?

Early Retirement Card

£2.50

"I'm thinking of taking early retirement" "how early?" "about 2.30"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Turkey Saw Up Card

£2.50

Turkey Saw Up Card May the spirit of Christmas fill your home.

Sale!

What Are You? Card

£2.25 £1.00

"What are you, some sort of cunt?" (T'es qui toi, une sorte de con?)

Borrow 20 Quid Card

£2.50

"Dad can I borrow 20 quid to get you a birthday present?" "How about I just keep the 20 quid?" "That works for me, happy birthday yeah!"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Stroller Postcard Set

£9.99

Stroller Postcard Set Ever thought about sending your boss a postcard featuring him being serviced from behind by a cart horse? Well you can now, thanks to this surreal and highly collectable Stroller postcard set. Stick ‘em on your wall or reach out and touch a friend with this selection of beautifully-crafted designs celebrating some totally unique and magic moments....

Festive Grid Drain Card

£2.50

"would you mind turning it down a bit, it's affecting my wife's dialysis machine." "perhaps you'd like to explain that to my little kiddie."

Motoring Speeding Card

£2.50

"I'm arresting you for speeding." "sorry mate me eyesight's fucked, I thought that sign said 'drive like a cunt"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Spa Voucher Card

£2.50

Spa Voucher Card "Someone bought me a spa treatment voucher for Christmas, can I spend it in your snack machine?"

Work Amazing Figures Card

£2.50

"these end of year figures are amazing" "yeah cheers, I fiddled around with them 'til they were bigger than last year's"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Cup Cake Mallet Card

£2.50

Cup cake stalls are not everyone's cup of tea. Fair enough.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Weekend National Trust Walk Card

£2.50

I am on a recommended National Trust public walk, I see someone has hung a bag of dog shit from a tree.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Swear Tree Card

£2.50

A Partridge in a Swear Tree Christmas Card Includes a word-search for the kids.

Seasonal Zoom Call Card

£2.50

"who the fuck are this lot?""hello Grandad"

Appraisal Cunts Upstairs Card

£2.50

"we would like to point out to you that it's highly unprofessional to refer to us as 'the cunts upstairs' when sending out emails to our client database" "Fair enough, rules are rules"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it...

Awkward Cunt Pastries Card

£2.50

"do you want any cakes or pastries with that?" "if I wanted them I probably would have fucking asked for them"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Wine Box Card

£2.50

"when the kids moved out we turned the spare bedroom into a wine box, do you fancy a glass?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

New Arrival Card

£2.50

''helloooo" "isn't it beautiful" "where's my fucking presents?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Bullshitters Refreshers Card

£2.50

"I see you took yesterday off for a 'bullshitter's refresher course" "yeah here's my expenses"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Seasonal Yesteryear Card

£2.50

"Hold these while I have a piss over that drain."  

Data Analyst Card

£2.50

"this spreadsheet of yours doesn't appear to make any sense" "yeah it's bollocks innit"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Work Biscuits Card

£2.50

"right Steve, come on what are you bringing to the table?" "I brought the biscuits?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Recipe Book Card

£2.50

"oh thanks a TV chef recipe book.""yeah sorry I couldn't think what the fuck to get you."

Customer Services Piss Myself Card

£2.50

"this drink I bought off you, made me piss myself"

Cheese & Wine Pills Card

£2.50

"I see you've got a Christmas card.""yes it's from the company who supply my hard on pills."

Punctuation Can't be Fucked Card

£2.50

"People used to use me to partially obscure swearwords, but it seems like they can't be fucked anymore" "luck of the draw mate, I was long term unemployed until some bloke invented email"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it...

Generation Arsehole GCSE Card

£2.50

"I normally home tutor for maths GCSE" "we just want you to train home not to piss all round the toilet seat"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Work Impressive Reference Card

£2.50

"very impressive reference" "cheers, I wrote that"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Fucking Arseholes Anonymous Card

£2.50

"hello my name's Peter and I'm a fucking arsehole"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Punctuation What Do You Do Card

£2.50

"And what do you do?" "Traditionally, I indicate an elaboration of something that were just before me, but since texting came along I've been doing a lot of work with the old end bracket here" "Yeah we've been run off our feet lately, people can't leave us alone"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family...

Wedding Facebook Status Card

£2.50

"Do you take this man" "Hang on mate, I'm just updating me relationship status" That moment when modern technology makes you want to give up and live in a cave.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Sign Up Don't Turn Up Card

£2.50

"Do you do a 'Sign Up, Don't Turn Up' Package?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Company Calendar Card

£2.50

"what's all these photos of you naked?" "just letting you know what I've got if you need to do a company calendar"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Work at the Weekend Card

£2.50

"Can you come in at the weekend?" "̏'ll come in but I'm not fucking doing anything"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Santa Foot Lock Card

£2.50

Santa Foot Lock Card The spirit of Christmas.

Sale!

Smoking Aerobics Card

£2.25 £1.00

"That high intensity speed aerobics class you're advertising, is it smoking or non-smoking?"