Work at the Weekend Card

£1.99

Work at the Weekend Card “Can you come in at the weekend?” “I’ll come in but I’m not fucking doing anything”   Working at the weekend? Maybe this card will help.

Key Strategy Meeting Card

£1.99

Key Strategy Meeting Card “First item, Peter would like to apologise for his absence, says he couldn’t be fucked.” Hone your business marketing plan with  this inspiring card. Or not, if you can't really be arsed. Either is good.

Before/After Internet Card

£1.99

Before and After Internet Card Just look how far we've come. 

Narcissist Boss Card

£1.99

Narcissist Boss Card   “Anyway, cheers for all your hard work and here’s a little something from me.”

Work Shit Meself Card

£1.99

Work Shit Myself Card “If I shit meself can I go home?” The nuclear option for work avoidance. Save this one for when you really need it.

Total Disaster Shelf Card

£1.99

Total Fucking Disaster in Shelf Card Thinking about putting up a shelf? Here's one way not to do it.

Bodywork You/Me Time Card

£1.99

Bodywork You/Me Time Card “I want to book myself in for some ‘me time’” “We only do ‘you time’ is that gonna be ok?” Treat yourself by paying a stranger to groom you.

Bodywork Brow Bar Card

£1.99

Bodywork Brow Bar Card “I’ve got a big meeting coming up, can youmake me look like I’m really interested” If you pay extra you can get them tattooed on so that you permanently look like you're questioning your choices in life.

Tourette Shit Butler Card

£1.99

Tourette Shit Butler   “Ahh Mr Tourette, I need a sign for my van, I offer a dog walking service for people who’ve got a dog but don’t really want one”   “Get your shit bag out, that one at the front smells like it’s about to pop.”   “How are you getting on? Oh for fucks sake”   “Cheers,...

Interest Rates Card

£1.99

Cheese and Wine Interest Rates Card   “So, what do you think will happen to the  interest rate?”     “I couldn’t give a flying fuck”   Also available as a signed Giclee print.

Weekend Test Pot Card

£1.99

Weekend Test Pot Card   “I fucking hate that colour.”   Welcome someone to their new home with  some harsh truths about how they'll be spending their weekends.

Wedding Facebook Status Card

£1.99

Wedding Facebook Status Card “Do you take this man…” “Hang on mate, I’m just updating me relationship status.” That moment when modern technology makes you want to give up and live in a cave.

Sale!

Mentalist Card

£1.99 £1.00

Happy Birthday Mentalist Card "Happy Birthday Mentalist" Wish the mentalist in your life a happy birthday with this Stroller greetings card.

Moody Cunt Card

£1.99

Moody Cunt Birthday Card "Happy Birthday You Moody Cunt" Send many happy returns of the day to the moody cunt in your life. Enough said.

Go For It Yeah Card

£1.99

Go For It Yeah Card "Happy Birthday - Go For It Yeah!" Boost a friend's body image with this encouraging Stroller birthday card.

Do What You Want Card

£1.99

Do What You Fucking Want Card "It's Your Special Day -  Do What You Fucking Want With it Yeah" A Stroller greetings card that captures the true spirit of celebration days: watching TV and doing fuck-all.

Beer In Bed Card

£1.99

Beer in Bed Card   "On Your Special Day"   Celebrate someone's birthday by bringing them a beer in bed. And this Stroller card. Sorted.

Play To Win Card

£1.99

Stroller Play To Win Card  "You Play To Win" A Stroller card for the discerning sportsman.

Shitted Up Card

£1.99

Shitted Up Card "Have a Great Day. Don't Get Too Shitted Up." Excellent advice from the Stroller greetings card range. Happy Birthday yeah? 

For a Special Lady Card

£1.99

For a Special Lady Card   Because the lady loves... fags and wine in bed.   The Special Lady design is also available as a coaster or a fridge magnet.

Sorry You're Leaving Card

£1.99

Sorry You're Leaving Card   "Sorry You're Leaving"   Show your sorrow at a colleague's departure with a classic Stroller greetings card. 

Dirty Old Fucker Card

£1.99

Dirty Old Fucker Card   "Happy Birthday You Dirty Old Fucker"

Special Day Dustbin Card

£1.99

Special Day Dustbin Card   It's your special day. Sit around, have a little walkabout, drink some beer and honk your guts up into a dustbin. Classic.  

Customer Feedback Card

£1.99

Work Customer Feedback Card "Great to get all this feedback off our new customer forum." "Yeah I had no idea we were such a shit company."   Sometimes it's better not to know, yeah?

Borrow 20 Quid Card

£1.99

Borrow 20 Quid Card   "Dad can I borrow 20 quid to get you a birthday present?"   "How about if I just keep the 20 quid?"   "That works for me, happy birthday yeah!"   Keep it simple with a gift amnesty.

Customer Services Book Card

£1.99

Customer Services Shit Book Card "This book I bought off you is fucking shit." The Modern Toss customer services department is highly trained to deal with complaints of this nature. Please hold while we connect you to Alan...

Book From Grandad Card

£1.99

Book From Grandad Card   "Look, Grandad's bought you a book."   "How d'you turn it on?"  

Birthday Day Off Card

£1.99

Birthday Day Off Card "I see you've applied for a day off on your birthday." "Yeah, imagine being stuck in this shithole on your birthday." An apt birthday card for a colleague, employee, boss, or anyone who's used up all their holiday time and are feeling sorry for themselves.

Successful Idea Card

£1.99

Desperate Business: Successful Idea Card   "Here's an idea, why don't we just do stuff that's going to be really massively successful?"   Why think outside the box, when you don't have to think at all?   Also available on a coaster. 

One Bar Signal Card

£1.99

One Bar Signal Card "Congratulations you've got the job!" "I dunno if I can work here, I'm only getting one bar on me phone." Priorities, innit?  

Maverick Boss Card

£1.99

Maverick Boss Card “Jean, choose someone at random and send them in please.”  

Filth Addict Card

£1.99

Filth Addict Card   Happy birthday to all Grand Designs and pornography enthusiasts.

Early Retirement Card

£1.99

Early Retirement Card   "I'm thinking of taking early retirement." "How early?" "About 2.30."  

Bored As Arseholes Card

£1.99

Bored As Fucking Arseholes Card   "I see from your afternoon tweet that you're bored as fucking arseholes." "Yeah cheers, I didn't know you were following me."    Also available as a coaster. 

6 Months Off Card

£1.99

Health - 6 Months Off Card "What illnesses would you recommend for getting 6 months or longer off work?" A get well soon card or an 'I hate work' card that will either cheer the recipient up or make them cry. Or both. We can't take responsibility for that sort of thing.

Crufts Card

£1.99

Crufts Greetings Card   "Hello, is that Crufts? Have you got a category for people who look like their dogs?"  

Company Policy Card

£1.99

Work Company Policy Card "What's the company policy on wearing a t-shirt with 'cunt' written on it?" A 'congratulations on your new job' card for that friend or relative who will probably get fired within a month. 

Commuter Mood Card

£1.99

Mr Tourette Card: Commuter Mood   “Oh hello Mr Tourette, I need a new logo for my train company, to distract the passengers from the fact that’s it’s fucking shit.”   “I’ve had a go on one of those in the transport museum.”   'THE CRAWLING SHIT WEASEL WITH BROKEN PISS CUPBOARD'   “I’m not sure about the font but...

Cambridge Card

£1.99

Desperate Business Cambridge Card   "And I see here you went to Cambridge." "Yeah I had to drop something off for someone. I was back by half six."   Perfect your interview technique with this Desperate Business greetings card.

Webcam Card

£1.99

Desperate Business Webcam Card   “We’re exploring new business opportunities. Carry on with the accounts but every time that red light comes on slip your top off.”   On the lookout for a new revenue stream?

Specific Time Card

£1.99

Work Specific Time Work Card   "Whoa hang on, so the deal as you see it is - I have to come in almost everyday at a specific time?"   The harsh reality of working life dawns on a new recruit.

Busiest Week Card

£1.99

Work Busiest Week Card "I see you've applied for time off during our busiest week." "Yeah, hopefully you'll have everything done by the time I get back." A productivity-boosting work-themed greetings card for the lazy tosser in your life. 

Minding My Own Business Card

£1.99

Cheese & Wine Minding My Own Business Card   "What are you up to at the moment?"   "Minding my own fucking business."  

Legal Longshots Axe Card

£1.99

Legal Longshots Axe Card   “I was throwing an axe at a window when it smashed right through and fucking killed someone, you’re a lawyer, whose fault is it under those circumstances?”   “I might have to look it up on the internet, but I tell you now I’m going to fight this one all the way, I’m 1000% behind...

Old People's Home Card

£1.99

Old People's Home Card   "We're going to have to ask you to leave Mr Lee, we've just found out you're only 38."  

Nose Hair Card

£1.99

Nose Hair Card   "I'm going to be late, I'm having a bad nose hair day.'  

Shithole Business Card

£1.99

Mr Tourette Shithole Business Card   “I need a sign for my new concept mobile restaurant, I wheel you around a supermarket, you buy the food then I heat it up in the microwave under the sea. It’s for people that live on the go 24-7-365.”   “No problem, that’ll look good with a big bit of plywood on top...

Not Coming In Card

£1.99

Not Coming In Card   "So if I keep not coming in, you're going to start not paying me?"   Always check your contract before you start a new job.   Also available on a coaster. 

Salsa Lessons Card

£1.99

Salsa Lessons Card   "Well you wouldn't come to salsa lessons."  

Multi-tasking Card

£1.99

Work Multi-tasking Card "What are you like at multi-tasking? "Pretty good. I often read the paper while I'm having a shit." A work-themed greetings card for the overachiever in your life. 

Craft Course Card

£1.99

Home-clubber Greetings Card: Craft Course   “I’ve been on a traditional writing course learning how to write a letter with a pen and a piece of paper. All I’ve got to do now is scan it in and e-mail it to someone.”   Home-clubber turns his hand to vintage arts and crafts.

Cash Rapists Card

£1.99

Mr Tourette Cash Rapists Card   “Hello Mr Tourette, I run a complex financial services company previously known as a bank. Due to the fact we’ve fucked it right up we need a new logo so no-one knows who we are.”   “Sounds piss easy, I’ll see what letters I’ve got lying around in the van.”   later…    “Yeah...

Appraisal Cunts Upstairs Card

£1.99

Appraisal Cunts Upstairs Card   "We would like to point out to you that it's highly unprofessional to refer to us as 'the cunts upstairs' when sending out emails to our client database." "Fair enough, rules are rules."  

Interview Texting Card

£1.99

Work Interview Texting Card “Yeah, carry on talking mate, I’ve just got to bang out a couple of texts.” Good luck with that interview yeah? See you down the job centre.

Lap Dancing Card

£1.99

Lap Dancing Interview Card “Ahh now I see from your CV you’ve got tap dancing down as a hobby.” “Yeah that’s actually lap dancing, I can’t type for shit.” First rule of interviews: focus on your strengths. An inspiring Modern Toss card for jobseekers.

Ideas Meeting Card

£1.99

Ideas Meeting Card   "Don't think about it, just say it." "Fuck you."   Dream meeting scenario.   Also available on a T-shirt, or as a wallet, coaster, or magnet. 

Still Want Paying Card

£1.99

Mr Tourette Still Want Paying Card   "I still want fucking paying" (Je veux qu’en meme mon putain d’paiement)

What Are You? Card

£1.99

Mr Tourette What Are You? Card   "What are you, some sort of cunt?" (T'es qui toi, une sorte de con?)  

Buy More Shit Card

£1.99

Buy More Shit or We're All Fucked Card   Getting to the core of what 'Keep Calm and Carry On' is really all about.   Also available as a magnet!  

Sale!

Hurricane Card

£1.99 £1.00

Home Clubber Hurricane Card "Is that the weather centre? It's my mum's birthday coming up, how much would it cost to have a hurricane named after her? Ideally a category 2 or stronger."   Know anyone with a gale force temperament? A thoughtful greetings card from Home Clubber.

Sale!

Family Tree Card

£1.99 £1.00

Home Clubber Card: Family Tree "I've been researching my family tree on the internet, so far all I've found is a picture of my sister naked with a lorry driver." Indulge in some genealogy with this Home Clubber greetings card:

Piss on Barbecue Card

£1.99

Cheese & Wine Piss on Barbecue Card   "Has anyone seen Gerry?"   "Having a bloody nightmare with the barbecue, every time I turn my back it goes out."  

Peter's Business Card

£1.99

Peter's Business Card   "I hear Peter's new business is in trouble."   "Peter's a cunt."   Also available as a signed Giclee print.

Executive Burnout Card

£1.99

Executive Burnout Card   "Several clients have complained about receiving emails from a 'mistershits@pisscompany.com'." "Yeah that'll be me working from home after a few drinks."  

Facebook At Work Card

£1.99

Facebook At Work Card   "According to our data you logged into your Facebook account 282 times yesterday." "How d'you know it was me?"   What else are you supposed to do at work?

Pencil Twitter Card

£1.99

Work Pencil Twitter Card "Have you got a pencil I can borrow?"  "That's brilliant mate, do you mind if I twitter that?" Know someone who can't get their nose out of Twitter? Signal an intervention with this subtle card.

Paternity Leave Card

£1.99

Work Paternity Leave Card "My wife's just had another baby, it's not mine but can I have a couple of weeks off anyway?" Know someone who's having a kid? Here's a good way to question their child's paternity in a cheerfully-coloured greetings card.

Water Cooler Card

£1.99

Water Cooler Card "Good weekend?" "Yeah I'm still off my fucking tits." Monday morning work conversations all around the world typified in this Modern Toss card.   Get the Water Cooler cartoon on a magnet, coaster, travel wallet and T-shirt!

Dog at Work Card

£1.99

Dog at Work Card “You can’t bring a dog into work.” “Er hello? He’s not actually working.” Fair point really.  Also available on a coaster.

He Fucked my Wife Card

£1.99

He Fucked my Wife Card   "So how do you know Peter?” “He fucked my wife.”  

Leaving Present Card

£1.99

Work Leaving Present Card   “I’m thinking about leaving, do you want to have a whip round for my present and I’ll see if it’s worth it.”  

Horse Fucking Service Card

£1.99

Horse Fucking Service Card   "Ah hello Mr Tourette. I need a sign advertising my exclusive thoroughbred equine stud service. They're all cup winners. That one could fill a coke bottle while I'm talking to you."   "Leave it with me."   Later... 'HORSE FUCKING SERVICE'   "Jeeping shit."   "How much for 20 minutes with my pony? It's her...

Smoking Aerobics Card

£1.99

Smoking Aerobics Card   “That high intensity speed aerobics class you’re advertising, is it smoking or non-smoking? “  

Marriage Waste of Space Card

£1.99

Customer Services Marriage Card   "This bloke I married in your church turned out to be a fucking waste of space."   "You still got the certificate?"   Getting married? Celebrating an anniversary? Finalising a divorce? This card covers all bases.

Work Line Manager Card

£1.99

Work Line Manager Card   "How are you getting on with your new line manager? "He's a fucking cunt."   Got a new boss? Why not buy them a card to welcome them to their new position?  Also available as a coaster. 

Health Crisps Card

£1.99

Health Crisps Card   "Hello, have you come for your annual check up?" "No, I just wondered if you had any change for the crisp machine."  

Sex Tourists Card

£1.99

Mr Tourette Sex Tourists Card   "Aah Mr Tourette, we need a brand new livery for our executive city flier jet service. We're looking for a solution that will work for the international market."   "You're talking my language."   Later... 'SEX TOURISTS'    "Oh my Christ."   "I know what you're thinking, a bit gloomy."

Space Argument Card

£1.99

Space Argument Card   "Stick this flag in over there."   "You fucking do it."   Space Argument designs are also available on men's t-shirts, ladies t-shirts, and signed giclee prints. 

Fuck Ikea Card

£1.99

Fuck Ikea Card “Let’s go to Ikea” “Fuck Ikea” Because going to a furniture store for a meal is just wrong.   The Fuck Ikea cartoon is also available on a mug and a coaster.  

Weekend Remote Card

£1.99

Weekend Remote Card   "Hello?" "Yeah it's me, have you seen the remote control anywhere?"   Modern life at the weekend in an attractive shade of blue.  Buy the coaster, and if you're lucky, someone might make you a cup of tea. 

Tourette Whore Card

£1.99

Tourette Whore Card   "Ahh Mr Tourette, could you paint a For Sale sign for my house?"   "Of course."   'WHORE'   "Oh my God, this is not what I wanted."   "What are you, some sort of cunt? I still want paying."

Work Bored Card

£1.99

Work Bored Card   "I think I'll go home, I'm a bit bored."   Why not? It's your life?   Also available as a coaster and fridge magnet.

Work Fuck Off Card

£1.99

Fuck Off Work Card   "I can't come in today so fuck off."   Can't decide whether to call in sick of quit your job? This one works both ways yeah?   This classic Work cartoon also comes on a mug, fridge magnet, coaster, and travel wallet.

Pregnant Time Off Card

£1.99

Pregnant Time Off Card   “I’m thinking of getting a woman pregnant, how much time off is it?”   A valid question for anyone planning a family or a bit of a holiday.