15 Minute Slot Valentine

Out of Stock

15 Minute Slot Valentine's Day Card “Don’t bother looking at the starters, I only managed to book a 15 minute slot.”

6 Months Off Card

£2.25

Health - 6 Months Off Card   "What illnesses would you recommend for getting 6 months or longer off work?"   A get well soon card or an 'I hate work' card that will either cheer the recipient up or make them cry. Or both. We can't take responsibility for that sort of thing.

Always be Mine Valentine

£2.25

You Will Always Be Mine Valentine's Day Card    

Appraisal Cunts Upstairs Card

£2.25

Appraisal Cunts Upstairs Card   "we would like to point out to you that it's highly unprofessional to refer to us as 'the cunts upstairs' when sending out emails to our client database." "Fair enough, rules are rules." 

Awkward Cunt Card

£2.25

Awkward Cunt Card   "can I help you sir?" "I don't fucking know, you tell me"

Beer In Bed Card

£2.25

Beer in Bed Card   "On Your Special Day"   Celebrate someone's birthday by bringing them a beer in bed. And this Stroller card. Sorted.

Before and After Internet Card

£2.25

Before and After Internet Card   Just look how far we've come. 

Birthday Day Off Card

£2.25

Work - Birthday Day Off Card   "I see you've applied for a day off on your birthday." "yeah, imagine being stuck in this shithole on your birthday."   An apt birthday card for a colleague, employee, boss, or anyone who's used up all their holiday time and are feeling sorry for themselves.   For the full Work collection click...

Birthday Present Card

Out of Stock

Happy Birthday - Birthday Present Card   "didn't I give this to you for Christmas?" "yeah I didn't like it, happy birthday"

Bodywork Brow Bar Card

£2.25

Bodywork Brow Bar Card   “I’ve got a big meeting coming up, can you make me look like I’m really interested”   If you pay extra you can get them tattooed on so that you permanently look like you're questioning your choices in life.

Bodywork Losing Weight Card

£2.25

Bodywork Losing Weight Card   "I've lost quite a bit of weight worrying about not going to the gym"

Bodywork Maxi Dress Card

£2.25

Bodywork - Maxi Dress Card   "I'm after matching outfits for a wedding, have you got a maxi dress for a sausage dog?"

Bodywork You/Me Time Card

£2.25

Bodywork You/Me Time Card   “I want to book myself in for some ‘me time’” “we only do ‘you time’ is that gonna be ok?”   Treat yourself by paying a stranger to groom you.

Book From Grandad Card

£2.25

Book From Grandad Card   "look, Grandad's bought you a book." "how d'you turn it on?"  

Bored As Arseholes Card

£2.25

Work - Bored As Arseholes Card   "I see from your afternoon tweet that you're bored as fucking arseholes." "yeah cheers, I didn't know you were following me."    Also available as a coaster. 

Borrow 20 Quid Card

£2.25

Happy Birthday - Borrow 20 Quid Card   "Dad can I borrow 20 quid to get you a birthday present?"  "How about if I just keep the 20 quid?"  "That works for me, happy birthday yeah!"   Keep it simple with a gift amnesty.

Busiest Week Card

£2.25

Work - Busiest Week Card   "I see you've applied for time off during our busiest week." "yeah, hopefully you'll have everything done by the time I get back."   A productivity-boosting work-themed greetings card for the lazy tosser in your life.    For the full Work collection click here.

Cambridge Card

£2.25

Desperate Business - Cambridge Card   "and I see here you went to Cambridge." "yeah I had to drop something off for someone. I was back by half six."   Perfect your interview technique with this Desperate Business greetings card.   For the full Desperate Business collection click here.  

Cash Rapists Card

£2.25

Mr Tourette - Cash Rapists Card   “Hello Mr Tourette, I run a complex financial services company previously known as a bank. Due to the fact we’ve fucked it right up we need a new logo so no-one knows who we are.” “Sounds piss easy, I’ll see what letters I’ve got lying around in the van.”  later…  “Yeah I thought...

CCTV Admirer Valentine

£2.25

CCTV Admirer Valentine’s Day Card Now in HD.

Cheese & Wine Hug Card

£2.25

Cheese & Wine Hug Card   "bloody hell Gerry he was only trying to give you a hug." "I thought he was coming at me so I decked him."   For the full Cheese & Wine collection click here.

Chocolates Valentine

£2.25

Chocolates Valentine's Day Card ''I never thought Steve'd be the first to go, not with him being a lime barrel'' ''hang on lads panic over, she's just spat him into the bin''

Cock in a Box Valentine

£2.25

Cock in a Box Valentine's Day Card Do not open with scissors.

Commuter Mood Card

£2.25

Mr Tourette - Commuter Mood Card   “Oh hello Mr Tourette, I need a new logo for my train company, to distract the passengers from the fact that’s it’s fucking shit.”   “I’ve had a go on one of those in the transport museum.”   'THE CRAWLING SHIT WEASEL WITH BROKEN PISS CUPBOARD'   “I’m not sure about the font...

Company Policy Card

£2.25

Work - Company Policy Card   "What's the company policy on wearing a t-shirt with 'cunt' written on it?"   A 'congratulations on your new job' card for that friend or relative who will probably get fired within a month.    For the full Work collection click here.

Crufts Card

£2.25

Crufts Card   "Hello, is that Crufts? Have you got a category for people who look like their dogs?"

Customer Feedback Card

£2.25

Work - Customer Feedback Card   "great to get all this feedback off our new customer forum." "yeah I had no idea we were such a shit company."   For the full Work collection click here. 

Customer Services Book Card

£2.25

Customer Services Book Card   "This book I bought off you is fucking shit."   The Modern Toss customer services department is highly trained to deal with complaints of this nature.

Cut Out Heart Valentine

£2.25

Cut Out Heart Valentine’s Day Card  

Data Analyst Card

£2.25

Data Analyst Card   "this spreadsheet of yours doesn't appear to make any sense" "yeah it's bollocks innit"  

Dirty Old Fucker Card

£2.25

Dirty Old Fucker Card   "Happy Birthday You Dirty Old Fucker"

Do What You Want Card

£2.25

Do What You Fucking Want Card "It's Your Special Day -  Do What You Fucking Want With it Yeah" A Stroller greetings card that captures the true spirit of celebration days: watching TV and doing fuck-all.

Dog at Work Card

£2.25

Work - Dog at Work Card   “you can’t bring a dog into work.” “er hello? He’s not actually working.”   Fair point really.    Also available on a coaster.

Dogging Valentine

£2.25

Cheese and Wine Dogging Valentine’s Day Card “I see you’ve got a Valentine’s card.” “Yes it’s from a woman I go dogging with.”

Early Retirement Card

£2.25

Work - Early Retirement Card   "I'm thinking of taking early retirement." "how early?" "about 2.30."   For the full Work collection click here. 

Erection Pills Valentine

£2.25

Erection Pills Valentine's Day Card “Come on we’ll be late for the restaurant.” “Hang on, have you seen my erection pills anywhere?”

Executive Burnout Card

£2.25

Executive Burnout Card   "several clients have complained about receiving emails from a 'mistershits@pisscompany.com'." "yeah that'll be me working from home after a few drinks." 

Febreze Valentine

£2.25

Febreze Valentine's Day Card “Cheers I had no idea Febreze did aftershave.”

For a Special Lady Card

£2.25

For a Special Lady Card   Because the lady loves... fags and wine in bed. The Special Lady design is also available as a coaster or a fridge magnet.

Fuck Ikea Card

£2.25

Weekend - Fuck Ikea Card   “let’s go to Ikea” “fuck Ikea”   Because going to a furniture store for a meal is just wrong.   The Fuck Ikea cartoon is also available on a mug, a coaster and a risograph print.  

Fucking Typical Card

£2.25

Fucking Typical Card   "I want a bank loan" "I'm going to have to take a few details down" "tell you what mate fucking swivel on it, no wonder the country's fucked"

Go For It Yeah Card

£2.25

Go For It Yeah Card "Happy Birthday - Go For It Yeah!" Boost a friend's body image with this encouraging Stroller birthday card.

Hair Cushion Valentine

£2.25

Hair Cushion Valentine's Day Card “What d’you reckon? I had it tweezered out and stuffed into a cushion for you.”

Hammering the Fuck Valentine

£2.25

Hammering the Fuck Valentine's Day Card

Headphones Meeting Card

£2.25

Headphones Meeting Card    "So there you have it, any questions?" "Run through that again will you, I had my headphones on"

Heart Stunt Valentine

£2.25

Heart  Shaped Stunt Valentine's Day Card “Hello? Yeah just to confirm, I’m not paying for the stunt at the end am I?” Be romantic but don’t go fucking overboard yeah?

High Street Coffee Card

£2.25

  High St   ''Excuse me, is there anywhere round here I can't get a coffee?"

Ideas Meeting Card

£2.25

Ideas Meeting Card   "don't think about it, just say it." "Fuck you."   Dream meeting scenario.   Also available as a coaster, travel wallet, poster and notebook. 

Interest Rates Card

£2.25

Cheese and Wine Interest Rates Card   “So, what do you think will happen to the interest rate?” “I couldn’t give a flying fuck”   For the full Cheese & Wine collection click here.

Interview Texting Card

£2.25

Interview - Texting Card   “Yeah, carry on talking mate, I’ve just got to bang out a couple of texts.”   Good luck with that interview yeah? See you down the job centre.

Invisible Arsehole Card

£2.25

Invisible Arsehole Card   "Your glass of red wine sir" "I'm over here you cunt"

Key Strategy Meeting Card

£2.25

Key Strategy Meeting Card   “first item, Peter would like to apologise for his absence, says he couldn’t be fucked.” Hone your business marketing plan with this inspiring card. Or not, if you can't really be arsed. Either is good.

Lap Dancing Card

£2.25

Interview - Lap Dancing Card   “Ahh now I see from your CV you’ve got tap dancing down as a hobby.” “Yeah that’s actually lap dancing, I can’t type for shit.”   First rule of interviews: focus on your strengths. An inspiring card for jobseekers.

Legal Longshots Axe Card

£2.25

Legal Longshots Axe Card   “I was throwing an axe at a window when it smashed right through and fucking killed someone, you’re a lawyer, whose fault is it under those circumstances?”  “I might have to look it up on the internet, but I tell you now I’m going to fight this one all the way, I’m 1000% behind you.”...

Line Manager Card

£2.25

Work - Line Manager Card   "how are you getting on with your new line manager? "he's a fucking cunt."   Got a new boss? Why not buy them a card to welcome them to their new position?  Also available as a coaster. 

Love Donut Valentine

£2.25

Love Donut Valentine’s Day Card “Don’t want to rush you love but I’ve booked a romantic meal for 8.30.”  

Make it Snappy Valentine

£2.25

Make it Snappy Valentine's Day Card ''thank you will that be all?'' ''yeah make it snappy, I've just given him a couple of hard on pills''  

Marriage Waste of Space Card

£2.25

Customer Services -  Marriage Waste of Space Card   "This bloke I married in your church turned out to be a fucking waste of space."  "you still got the certificate?"   Getting married? Celebrating an anniversary? Finalising a divorce? This card covers all bases.   Also available as part of a Relationships card bundle.

Maverick Boss Card

£2.25

Maverick Boss Card   “Jean, choose someone at random and send them in please.”

Minding My Business Card

£2.25

Cheese & Wine - Minding My Business Card   "What are you up to at the moment?" "Minding my own fucking business."   For the full Cheese & Wine collection click here.

Moody Cunt Card

£2.25

Moody Cunt Birthday Card "Happy Birthday You Moody Cunt" Send many happy returns of the day to the moody cunt in your life. Enough said.

Motoring Speeding Card

Out of Stock

Motoring Speeding Card   "I'm arresting you for speeding." "sorry mate me eyesight's fucked, I thought that sign said 'drive like a cunt"

Narcissist Boss Card

£2.25

Narcissist Boss Card   “Anyway, cheers for all your hard work and here’s a little something from me.”

New Arrival Card

£2.25

New Arrival Card   ''helloooo" "isn't it beautiful" "where's my fucking presents?"

Not Coming In Card

£2.25

Not Coming In Card   "So if I keep not coming in, you're going to start not paying me?"   Always check your contract before you start a new job.   Also available on a coaster. 

One Bar Signal Card

£2.25

Interview - One Bar Signal Card   "Congratulations you've got the job!" "I dunno if I can work here, I'm only getting one bar on me phone."   Priorities, innit?

Pensions Accumulator Card

£2.25

Desperate Business - Pension Accumulator Card   "We don't currently have a pension scheme, but you're welcome to join in the office 7 horse accumulator" "I don't want to rush you but the first race is at 2.45"   For the full Desperate Business collection, click here.

Play To Win Card

£2.25

Stroller Play To Win Card  "You Play To Win" A Stroller card for the discerning sportsman.

Pocket Money Expenses Card

£2.25

Little Tossers - Expenses Card   "here's your pocket money" "cheers, who do I talk to about expenses?"

Pole Dance Valentine

£2.25

Pole Dance Valentine's Day Card “Hello I was just in the area and wondered if I could interest you in a pole dance?”

Real Ale Card

£2.25

Cheese & Wine - Real Ale Card   "have you tried this real ale from Stephen's micro brewery?" "smells like someone scooped it out of a ditch"   For the full Cheese & Wine collection click here.

Romantic Meal Valentine

£2.25

Romantic Meal Valentine’s Day Card “Sorry I should have got a DVD out, what d’you want Eastenders or Embarassing Bodies?”

Roses Going Out Valentine

£2.25

Roses Going Out Valentine's Day Card “Got anything planned for Valentine’s Day?” “Probably go out with a bunch of mates, end up drinking out of a vase round some woman’s house.”

Roses Petrol Station Valentine

£2.25

Roses Petrol Station Valentine's Day Card “Fuck me, I thought we’d never get out of that petrol station.” “Make the most of it, I reckon we’ve got two days in here then she’ll chuck us in the bin.”

Smells Like Money Card

£2.25

Bodywork - Smells Like Money Card   "I need to chill out, got anything that smells like money?"

Sorry You're Leaving Card

£2.25

Sorry You're Leaving Card   "Sorry You're Leaving"   Express sorrow at a colleague's departure with this classic Stroller greetings card. 

Special Day Dustbin Card

£2.25

Special Day Dustbin Card   It's your special day. Sit around, have a little walkabout, drink some beer and honk your guts up into a dustbin. Classic.  

Specific Time Card

£2.25

Work - Specific Time Card   "Whoa hang on, so the deal as you see it is - I have to come in almost everyday at a specific time?"   The harsh reality of working life dawns on a new recruit.   For the full Work collection click here.

Spray Tan Valentine

£2.25

Chocolate Spray Tan Valentine's Day Card “How much to have myself coated in chocolate for Valentine’s Day?” Get yourself a back, crack and sack while you’re there, yeah?

Stick It Up Your Arse Card

£2.25

Work - Stick It Up Your Arse Card   "in an ideal world I'd tell you to stick this job up your arse"   For the full Work collection click here.

Successful Idea Card

£2.25

Desperate Business - Successful Idea Card   "Here's an idea, why don't we just do stuff that's going to be really massively successful?"   Why think outside the box, when you don't have to think at all?   Also available on a notebook, coaster and risograph print. 

Total Disaster Shelf Card

£2.25

Total Fucking Disaster in Shelf Card   Thinking about putting up a shelf? Here's one way not to do it.

Tourette Shit Butler Card

£2.25

Tourette Shit Butler   “ahh Mr Tourette, I need a sign for my van, I offer a dog walking service for people who’ve got a dog but don’t really want one” “get your shit bag out, that one at the front smells like it’s about to pop.”  “how are you getting on? Oh for fucks sake”  “cheers, you might want to...

Twitter Symptoms Card

£2.25

Get Well Soon - Twitter Symptoms Card   "yeah I don't know what's wrong with you, but if you like I can bang your symptoms out on Twitter and see what we get back"

Village Cake Off Card

£2.25

Village Cake Off Card   "leave it Steve, so what if he reckons your sponge base was a bit on the moist side"

Visualise Your Goal Card

£2.25

Visualise Your Goal Back by popular demand!     

Water Cooler Card

£2.25

Water Cooler Card   "Good weekend?" "Yeah I'm still off my fucking tits."   Monday morning work conversations all around the world typified in this Modern Toss card.   Get the Water Cooler cartoon on a magnet, coaster and travel wallet.

Webcam Card

£2.25

Desperate Business - Webcam Card   “We’re exploring new business opportunities. Carry on with the accounts but every time that red light comes on slip your top off.”   On the lookout for a new revenue stream?   For the full Desperate Business collection click here.

Wedding Facebook Card

£2.25

Wedding Facebook Card   “Do you take this man…” “Hang on mate, I’m just updating me relationship status.”   That moment when modern technology makes you want to give up and live in a cave.

Weekend Serving Hatch Card

£2.25

Weekend Serving Hatch Card   "got a new serving hatch?" "yeah, Dave did it in the last two hours of DIY week." "I'll finish it off next year yeah."

Weekend Test Pot Card

£2.25

Weekend Test Pot Card   “I fucking hate that colour.”   Welcome someone to their new home with some harsh truths about how they'll be spending their weekends.

Wine Box Card

£2.25

Wine Box Card   "when the kids moved out we turned the spare bedroom into a wine box, do you fancy a glass?"

Work at the Weekend Card

£2.25

Work at the Weekend Card   “can you come in at the weekend?” “I’ll come in but I’m not fucking doing anything”   For the full Work collection click here.  

Work Bi-Lingual Card

£2.25

Interview - Work Bi-Lingual Card   "I see from your CV that you're bilingual" "yeah English and Emoji"   For the full Work collection click here.

Work Bored Card

£2.25

Work - Bored Card   "I think I'll go home, I'm a bit bored."   Why not? It's your life?   Also available as a coaster, travel wallet and a Risograph print.

Work Dress Code Card

£2.25

Work Dress Code Card   "We don't have a dress code as such, but I would appreciate it if you could tone it down a bit"   For the full Work collection click here.

Work From Home Card

£2.25

Work From Home Card   "we've decided we'd like you to work from home, preferably for someone else"  

Work Fuck Off Card

£2.25

Fuck Off Work Card   "I can't come in today so fuck off."   Can't decide whether to call in sick of quit your job? This one works both ways yeah?   This classic Work cartoon also comes on a mug, fridge magnet, coaster, and travel wallet.

Work Shit Meself Card

£2.25

Work Shit Meself Card   “If I shit meself can I go home?”   For the full Work collection click here.

You Were Made for Me Valentine

£2.25

You Were Made for Me Valentine's Day Card

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