"Sorry kids the figures just aren't stacking up, we're going to have to make a couple of you redundant."
"I've been doing the family tree and it turns out none of us are related.""Can we all go home then?"
"what d'you reckon?""yeah I like it.""It's not too tight around the arms is it?"
''good christmas?''''yeah, just sat in front of the telly eating crisps all day''
''I've had to cut back a bit this year, normally I turn them on in September''
''everyone ok with me wearing my new Christmas underwear?''
''look at this website showing a satellite image of where santa is currently delivering presents''''obviously fucking bullshit''
"It's from your sister, she wants to know if we'd be up for a Christmas present armistice?""Yeah send her one back, see if she's up for skipping the meal as well"
"Merry Christmas mate, here's a video of me trying on all your wife's new underwear"
"Not taking your coat off Dave?""He only agreed to come because he thought you'd have the heating on"
"Congratulations you've got the job""Cheers, I need a couple of weeks off in December, I've got a skiing holiday booked"
"that robin's in the garden again""have you tried throwing something at it?"
"hello, and what would you like for Christmas?""I dunno, you fucking work it out."
"this is the most up to date set, it comes with a replacement bus service"
"this is nice all sitting down for Christmas dinner""not if you talk all through this film, which I might add is shit"
New Year Emoji Card
"In case my Happy New Year text doesn't get through later on, I thought I'd just say Happy New Year, thumbs up"
"cheers, same to you but with an added champagne bottle and party popper emoji thing yeah?"
Recycled Tree Card
"No Christmas tree this year?"
"Steve likes to wait until Boxing Day so we can get one out of the recycling area"
Tree Stylist Card
"I'm really not sure about it"
"Hi, yeah I need a number for a 24 hour tree stylist"
Christmas List Card
"would you like me to get you a calendar this year?"
"no I'm ok with this system thanks"
Seasonal Bollocks Card
Seasonal Bollocks to You
"What are you like at multi-tasking?
"Pretty good. I often read the paper while I'm having a shit."
"would you mind turning it down a bit, it's affecting my wife's dialysis machine."
"perhaps you'd like to explain that to my little kiddie."
Festive Footprint Christmas Card
"are these trees from an organically sustainable source?"
"why what you going to do, fucking eat it or something?"
Showing: 145-168 of 168