Generation Arsehole GCSE Card

£2.25

"I normally home tutor for maths GCSE" "we just want you to train home not to piss all round the toilet seat"

Company Calendar Card

£2.25

"what's all these photos of you naked?" "just letting you know what I've got if you need to do a company calendar"

Bullshitters Refreshers Card

£2.25

"I see you took yesterday off for a 'bullshitter's refresher course" "yeah here's my expenses"

Hacked Bank Account Card

£2.25

"what makes you think your account has been hacked?" "'cos there's some money in it?"

Work Retox Clinic Card

£2.25

"I can't come back to work this week, I've had to book myself in the retox clinic"

Sign Up Don't Turn Up Card

£2.25

"Do you do a 'Sign Up, Don't Turn Up' Package?"

Monday Morning Wine Card

£2.25

"excuse me, what wine would you recommend for a monday morning?"

Customer Services Piss Myself Card

£2.25

"this drink I bought off you, made me piss myself"

Work Team Player Card

£2.25

"hi sorry I'm late, I couldn't be fucked to get here any quicker"

Health Monitor Card

£2.25

"how you getting on with your health monitor wristband?" "yeah, I've found I'm getting much better results since I stuck it on the dog"

Work Impressive Reference Card

£2.25

"very impressive reference" "cheers, I wrote that"

Work Robot Card

£2.25

"I'm worried about the effects of new technology on my work prospects" "Don't panic, we offered your job to a robot and he didn't want it"

Segway Bat Card

£2.25

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Taken from the Mindless Violence Colouring Book

Weekend Dog Cheese Card

£2.25

The opening of the fridge door alerts the dog to the presence of cheese.

Classic Toss Card Bundle

£7.00

10 classic Modern Toss cards for £7. That's just 70p a card! This bundle includes: Play to Win Card Smoking Aerobics Card Bodywork You/Me Card Last Orders Card Smells Like Money Card C&W Real Ale Card C&W Hug Card Busiest Week Card Successful Idea Card Bored as Arseholes Card   When they're gone, they're gone!

Work Card Bundle

£6.00

Cards from our best selling collection as a bundle, at more than half price! Here are the Work cards included: Work Bi-Lingual Card Lap Dancing Card Webcam Card Narcissist Boss Card Work Bored Card Pencil Twitter Card 6 Months Off Card When they're gone, they're gone!

Mr. Tourette Card Bundle

£7.00

All 7 Mr Tourette cards for £7! This is what's included: Shit Butler Card Commuter Mood Card Shithole Business Card Cash Rapists Card Sex Tourists Card Whore Card What Are You? Card When they're gone, they're gone.

Working Day Lie Down Card

£2.25

Working Day too much? Have a drink and a lie down.

Working Day Meeting Card

£2.25

Morning catch up meeting, I'll listen in for a bit - once I know what they're talking about I'll try and say something.

Jetty Zen Kick Card

£2.25

Beautiful surroundings and chilled out zen vibe for this Birthday message.

Cup Cake Mallet Card

£2.25

Cup cake stalls are not everyone's cup of tea. Fair enough.

Sale!

Working Day Clear My Mind Card

£2.25 £1.00

As you get nearer to your place of work do you totally clear your mind until there's fuck all in it?

Working Day Train Twitter Card

£2.25

I follow the train operator on Twitter and am able to directly call them arseholes when my service is disrupted.

Weekend Too Early Card

£2.25

Is it still slightly too early for a drink?

Working Day Jacket Card

£2.25

Before lunch I leave my jacket on my chair, so if I decide not to come back people think I'm still around somewhere.

Weekend TV Controls Card

£2.25

Too fucked to get the TV controls? So you're just going to have to sit through this Sunday night costume drama then! Also works with Poldark.

Working Day Walk Around Card

£2.25

I look permanently busy if I walk around holding a pen and a bit of paper.

Weekend National Trust Walk Card

£2.25

I am on a recommended National Trust public walk, I see someone has hung a bag of dog shit from a tree.

Sale!

Weekend Parents on Landline Card

£2.25 £1.00

One of our parents is trying to call us on the landline. Anyone going to answer?

Honest Relationship Card

£2.25

"does my stomach look big in this?" "yeah"

Pro Gamer Card

£2.25

"I went outside earlier in the week, it's like you literally have no control over anything?"

Last Orders Card

£2.25

"As you can see they've retained a few original features, like Pete who used to drink here when it was a pub" "Where's the crisps?"

Awkward Cunt Pastries Card

£2.25

"do you want any cakes or pastries with that?" "if I wanted them I probably would have fucking asked for them"

Work Amazing Figures Card

£2.25

"these end of year figures are amazing" "yeah cheers, I fiddled around with them 'til they were bigger than last year's"

Pensions Accumulator Card

£2.25

"We don't currently have a pension scheme, but you're welcome to join in the office 7 horse accumulator" "I don't want to rush you but the first race is at 2.45"  

Bollocks To This Card

£2.25

"it's definitely Peter, I recognise the handwriting"

High Street Coffee Card

£2.25

''Excuse me, is there anywhere round here I can't get a coffee?"

Milestone Birthday Card

£2.25

"do you want to do anything for your milestone birthday coming up?" "no I fucking don't"

Chill Out Yeah Card

£2.25

"how much is your meditation course?" "80 quid" "well that's fucking wound me right up for a start"

New Arrival Card

£2.25

''helloooo" "isn't it beautiful" "where's my fucking presents?"

Work Biscuits Card

£2.25

"right Steve, come on what are you bringing to the table?" "I brought the biscuits?"

Bodywork Losing Weight Card

£2.25

"I've lost quite a bit of weight worrying about not going to the gym"

Awkward Cunt Card

£2.25

"can I help you sir?" "I don't fucking know, you tell me"

Stick It Up Your Arse Card

£2.25

"in an ideal world I'd tell you to stick this job up your arse"

Fucking Arseholes Anonymous Card

£2.25

"hello my name's Peter and I'm a fucking arsehole"

Work Dress Code Card

£2.25

"We don't have a dress code as such, but I would appreciate it if you could tone it down a bit"  

Village Cake Off Card

£2.25

"leave it Steve, so what if he reckons your sponge base was a bit on the moist side"

Money Saving Expert Card

£2.25

"I only use it to save a few quid buying my groceries back in the 70's"

Cheese & Wine Hug Card

£2.25

"bloody hell Gerry he was only trying to give you a hug." "I thought he was coming at me so I decked him."

Work Bi-Lingual Card

£2.25

"I see from your CV that you're bilingual" "yeah English and Emoji"

Wine Box Card

£2.25

"when the kids moved out we turned the spare bedroom into a wine box, do you fancy a glass?"

Smells Like Money Card

£2.25

"I need to chill out, got anything that smells like money?"

Fucking Typical Card

£2.25

"I want a bank loan" "I'm going to have to take a few details down" "tell you what mate fucking swivel on it, no wonder the country's fucked"

Birthday Present Card

£2.25

"didn't I give this to you for Christmas?" "yeah I didn't like it, happy birthday"

Work at the Weekend Card

£2.25

"Can you come in at the weekend?" "̏'ll come in but I'm not fucking doing anything"

Real Ale Card

£2.25

"have you tried this real ale from Stephen's micro brewery?" "smells like someone scooped it out of a ditch"

Motoring Speeding Card

£2.25

"I'm arresting you for speeding." "sorry mate me eyesight's fucked, I thought that sign said 'drive like a cunt"

Headphones Meeting Card

£2.25

"So there you have it, any questions?" "Run through that again will you, I had my headphones on"

Data Analyst Card

£2.25

"this spreadsheet of yours doesn't appear to make any sense" "yeah it's bollocks innit"  

Key Strategy Meeting Card

£2.25

"first item, Peter would like to apologise for his absence, says he couldn't be fucked" Hone your business marketing plan with this inspiring card. Or not, if you can't really be arsed. Either is good.

Work Shit Meself Card

£2.25

"If I shit meself can I go home?"

Before and After Internet Card

£2.25

Just look how far we've come.

Bodywork You/Me Time Card

£2.25

'I want to book myself in for some 'me time'' "we only do 'you time' is that ok?'

Bodywork Brow Bar Card

£2.25

"I've got a big meeting coming up, can you make me look like I'm really interested" If you pay extra you can get them tattooed on so that you permanently look like you're questioning your choices in life.

Work From Home Card

£2.25

"we've decided we'd like you to work from home, preferably for someone else"  

Weekend Test Pot Card

£2.25

"I fucking hate that colour" Welcome someone to their new home with?some harsh truths about how they'll be spending their weekends

Wedding Facebook Card

£2.25

"Do you take this man" "Hang on mate, I'm just updating me relationship status" That moment when modern technology makes you want to give up and live in a cave.

Borrow 20 Quid Card

£2.25

"Dad can I borrow 20 quid to get you a birthday present?" "How about I just keep the 20 quid?" "That works for me, happy birthday yeah!"

Book From Grandad Card

£2.25

"look, Grandad's bought you a book" "how d'you turn it on?"  

Birthday Day Off Card

£2.25

"I see you've applied for a day off on your birthday" "yeah, imagine being stuck in this shithole on your birthday" An apt birthday card for a colleague, employee, boss, or anyone who's used up all their holiday time and are feeling sorry for themselves.  

Cambridge Card

£2.25

"and I see here you went to Cambridge" "yeah I had to drop something off for someone.I was back by half six" Perfect your interview technique with this Desperate Business greetings card.    

One Bar Signal Card

£2.25

"Congratulations you've got the job!" "I dunno if I can work here, I'm only getting one bar on me phone"   Priorities, innit?

Early Retirement Card

£2.25

"I'm thinking of taking early retirement" "how early?" "about 2.30"    

Bored As Arseholes Card

£2.25

"I see from your afternoon tweet that you're bored as fucking arseholes" "yeah cheers, I didn't know you were following me"

Busiest Week Card

£2.25

"I see you've applied for time off during our busiest week." "yeah, hopefully you'll have everything done by the time I get back." A productivity-boosting work-themed greetings card for the lazy tosser in your life.

Successful Idea Card

£2.25

"Here's an idea, why don't we just do stuff that's going to be really massively successful?" Why think outside the box, when you don't have to think at all?    

Customer Feedback Card

£2.25

"great to get all this feedback off our new customer forum" "yeah I had no idea we were such a shit company"  

Not Coming In Card

£2.25

"So if I keep not coming in, you're going to start not paying me?" Always check your contract before you start a new job.  

Interview Texting Card

£2.25

"Yeah, carry on talking mate, I've just got to bang out a couple of texts" Good luck with that interview yeah? See you down the job centre.

Specific Time Card

£2.25

"Whoa hang on, so the deal as you see it is - I have to come in almost everyday at a specific time?" The harsh reality of working life dawns on a new recruit.

Lap Dancing Card

£2.25

"Ahh now I see from your CV you've got tap dancing down as a hobby""Yeah that's actually lap dancing, I can't type for shit"First rule of interviews: focus on your strengths. An inspiring card for jobseekers.

Cash Rapists Card

£2.25

"Hello Mr Tourette, I run a complex financial services company previously known as a bank. Due to the fact we've fucked it right up we need a new logo so no-one knows who we are" later... "Yeah I thought it could stand for 'Till Fiddling Cash Rapist" "Brilliant that's the last thing they'd expect it to stand for. I might...

Appraisal Cunts Upstairs Card

£2.25

"we would like to point out to you that it's highly unprofessional to refer to us as 'the cunts upstairs' when sending out emails to our client database" "Fair enough, rules are rules"

Ideas Meeting Card

£2.25

"don't think about it, just say it" "Fuck you" Dream meeting scenario.

Water Cooler Card

£2.25

"Good weekend?" "Yeah I'm still off my fucking tits." Monday morning work conversations all around the world typified in this Modern Toss card.

Executive Burnout Card

£2.25

"several clients have complained about receiving emails from a 'mistershits@pisscompany.com'" "yeah that'll be me working from home after a few drinks"

Dog at Work Card

£2.25

"you can't bring a dog into work" "er hello? He's not actually working"" Fair point really.  

Commuter Mood Card

£2.25

"Oh hello Mr Tourette, I need a new logo for my train company, to distract the passengers from the fact that it's fucking shit." "I've had a go on one of those in the transport museum" 'THE CRAWLING SHIT WEASEL WITH BROKEN PISS CUPBOARD' "I'm not sure about the font but it;s definitely in tune with the commuter mood" "Yeah...

Line Manager Card

£2.25

"how are you getting on with your new line manager? "he's a fucking cunt" Got a new boss? Why not buy them a card to welcome them to their new position?

Tourette Shit Butler Card

£2.25

"ahh Mr Tourette, I need a sign for my van, I offer a dog walking service for people who've got a dog but don't really want one" "get your shit bag out, that one at the front smells like it's about to pop." "how are you getting on? Oh for fucks sake" "cheers, you might want to get a roof...

Fuck Ikea Card

£2.25

"let's go to Ikea" "fuck Ikea" Because going to a furniture store for a meal is just wrong.

Work Bored Card

£2.25

"I think I'll go home, I'm a bit bored" Why not? It's your life?

Work Fuck Off Card

£2.25

"I can't come in today so fuck off" Can't decide whether to call in sick of quit your job? This one works both ways yeah?  

Go For It Yeah Card

£2.25

"Happy Birthday - Go For It Yeah!" Boost a friend's body image with this encouraging Stroller birthday card.

Do What You Want Card

£2.25

"It's Your Special Day - Do What You Fucking Want With it Yeah" A Stroller greetings card that captures the true spirit of celebration days: watching TV and doing fuck-all.

Moody Cunt Card

£2.25

"Happy Birthday You Moody Cunt" Send many happy returns of the day to the moody cunt in your life. Enough said.

Beer In Bed Card

£2.25

"On Your Special Day" Celebrate someone's birthday by bringing them a beer in bed. And this Stroller card. Sorted.

Sale!

Play To Win Card

£2.25 £1.00

"You Play To Win" A Stroller card for the discerning sportsman.

Special Day Dustbin Card

£2.25

It's your special day. Sit around, have a little walkabout, drink some beer and honk your guts up into a dustbin. Classic.  

Visualise Your Goal Card

£2.25

Back by popular demand!    

Sorry You're Leaving Card

£2.25

"Sorry You're Leaving" Express sorrow at a colleague's departure with this classic Stroller greetings card.

For a Special Lady Card

£2.25

Because the lady loves... fags and wine in bed.  

Punctuation Can't be Fucked Card

£2.25

"People used to use me to partially obscure swearwords, but it seems like they can't be fucked anymore" "luck of the draw mate, I was long term unemployed until some bloke invented email"

Punctuation What Do You Do Card

£2.25

"And what do you do?" "Traditionally, I indicate an elaboration of something that were just before me, but since texting came along I've been doing a lot of work with the old end bracket here" "Yeah we've been run off our feet lately, people can't leave us alone"

Punctuation Apostrophe Business Card

£2.25

"How's the old apostrophe business?" "Yeah bit quiet. Had a false call out for a carrot sign last night. Greengrocer thought he needed a possessive, turned out he was after a straight plural."

Punctuation Speech Marks Card

£2.25

"Not often we get the chance to chat without a load of speech getting in the way" "Actually I'd be better be off, got a last minute job indicating an omitted character in a word somewhere"

Punctuation Paris Hat Card

£2.25

"I love your hat" "thanks, I picked it up in Paris"

Punctuation Legal Problems Card

£2.25

"Better be careful where we stand I dont want any legal problems"

Stroller Card Bundle

£6.00

6 classic Stroller cards for £6! Do What You Want Card Go For It Yeah Card Play To Win Card Visualise Your Goal Card Special Dustbin Card Sorry You're Leaving Card  When they're gone, they're gone!

Coloured in Card Bundle

£7.00

6 of the new Coloured in Card range for £7!  Weekend TV Controls Weekend Parents on Landline Weekend Too Early Working Day Clear My Mind Working Day Twitter Working Day Walk Around When they're gone, they're gone!

Sale!

Narcissist Boss Card

£2.25 £1.00

"Anyway, cheers for all your hard work and here's a little something from me"

Sale!

Webcam Card

£2.25 £1.00

"We're exploring new business opportunities. Carry on with the accounts but every time that red light comes on slip your top off

Sale!

Shithole Business Card

£2.25 £1.00

"I need a sign for my new concept mobile restaurant, I wheel you around a supermarket, you buy the food then I heat it up in the microwave under the sea. It's for people that live on the go 24-7-365" "No problem, that'll look good with a big bit of plywood on top of it" Later... 'GARY'S SHITHOLE BUSINESS IDEA'...

Sale!

What Are You? Card

£2.25 £1.00

"What are you, some sort of cunt?" (T'es qui toi, une sorte de con?)

Sale!

Sex Tourists Card

£2.25 £1.00

"Aah Mr Tourette, we need a brand new livery for our executive city flier jet service. We're looking for a solution that will work for the international market" "You're talking my language" Later... 'SEX TOURISTS' "Oh my Christ" "I know what you're thinking, a bit gloomy"

Sale!

Tourette Whore Card

£2.25 £1.00

"Ahh Mr Tourette, could you paint a For Sale sign for my house?" "Of course" 'WHORE' "Oh my God, this is not what I wanted" "What are you, some sort of cunt? I still want paying"

Work Motivational Poster Card

£2.25

"give us a hand putting this motivational poster up" "sorry mate I'm due an electronic fag break"

Multi-tasking Card

£2.25

"What are you like at multi-tasking? "Pretty good. I often read the paper while I'm having a shit."