Cards | Modern Toss

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Milestone Birthday Card

£2.50

"do you want to do anything for your milestone birthday coming up?" "no I fucking don't" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Segway Bat Card

£2.50

Monday Morning Wine Card

£2.50

Birthday Day Off Card

£2.50

"I see you've applied for a day off on your birthday" "yeah, imagine being stuck in this shithole on your birthday" An apt birthday card for a colleague, employee, boss, or anyone who's used up all their holiday time and are feeling sorry for themselves. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten...

For a Special Lady Card

£2.50

Ed Sheeran Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Ed Sheeran Card "Alexa, play Ed Sheeran" "do I have to?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Getting Home Early Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Getting Home Early Card "ok what does success look like to everyone?" "getting home early?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Beer In Bed Card

£2.50

"On Your Special Day" Celebrate someone's birthday by bringing them a beer in bed. And this Stroller card. Sorted. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Boring Meeting Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Boring Meeting Card "ok if I look at my phone for a bit, this meeting's boring the fuck out of me" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Chill Out Yeah Card

£2.50

"how much is your meditation course?" "80 quid" "well that's fucking wound me right up for a start" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Birthday Present Card

£2.50

"didn't I give this to you for Christmas?" "yeah I didn't like it, happy birthday" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Play To Win Card

~~£2.25~~ £1.00

Work Robot Card

£2.50

"I'm worried about the effects of new technology on my work prospects" "Don't panic, we offered your job to a robot and he didn't want it" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Brow Bar Card

£2.50

"I've got a big meeting coming up, can you make me look like I'm really interested" If you pay extra you can get them tattooed on so that you permanently look like you're questioning your choices in life. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to...

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Weekend Parents on Landline Card

~~£2.25~~ £1.00

Jetty Zen Kick Card

£2.50

Beautiful surroundings and chilled out zen vibe for this Birthday message. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Pantathlon Card

£2.50

Tossary of Terms card range - Pantathlon Card Lifted from The Tossary of Terms book which identifies and defines new words and phrases for a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below...

Kiplings Smog Card

£2.50

Tossary of Terms card range - Kiplings Smog Card The Tossary of Terms identifies and defines, with new words and phrases, a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your...

Bloody Fucking Hell Card

£2.50

Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Bloody Fucking Hell Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card. You can send this card direct to your mates or family...

Fucking Old Bastard Card

£2.50

Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Fucking Old Bastard Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card. You can send this card direct to your mates or...

Face Like A Wanker Card

£2.50

Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Face Like A Wanker Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card. You can send this card direct to your mates or family...

Back Sack Twat Card

£2.50

Tossary of Terms card range - Back Sack Twat Card From the Tossary of Terms book which identifies and defines new words and phrases with a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket...

Smug Goblet Card

£2.50

Tossary of Terms card range - Smug Goblet Card From the Tossary of Terms book which identifies and defines new words and phrases with a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below...

Buggering Old Twat Card

£2.50

Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Buggering Old Twat Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card. You can send this card direct to your mates or family...

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Christmas Game Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

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Seasonal Bollocks Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

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Santa's Grotto Christmas Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"hello, and what would you like for Christmas?" "I dunno, you fucking work it out." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

Christmas Argument Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

Christmas Argument Card "yeah all good here thanks, we've had the meal and we're just getting ready for the argument." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Seagull Cutbacks Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"we thought we'd try something a bit different this year." "is that a seagull?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Christmas Dinner Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"this is nice all sitting down for Christmas dinner" "not if you talk all through this film, which I might add is shit" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Replacement Bus Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

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SAD Mince Pie Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

Seasonal Affective Disorder Mince Pie Christmas Card "next door want to know if we'd like to pop over for a mince pie" "I've got a fucking mince pie" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Working Day Lie Down Card

£2.50

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Recycled Tree Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

Work Team Player Card

£2.50

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Christmas Jumper Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"what d'you reckon?" "yeah I like it." "It's not too tight around the arms is it?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Santa Website Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

''look at this website showing a satellite image of where santa is currently delivering presents'' ''obviously fucking bullshit'' You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Cheese & Wine Decorations Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

Cheese & Wine Decorations Christmas Card "All our Christmas cards are totally hand made this year." "I wondered why it all looked so fucking shit." This one is dedicated to Kirsty Allsopp. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your...

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SAD Christmas Walk Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

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Santa Skiing Holiday Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"Congratulations you've got the job" "Cheers, I need a couple of weeks off in December, I've got a skiing holiday booked" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Family Tree Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"I've been doing the family tree and it turns out none of us are related." "Can we all go home then?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Goat Present Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"d'you get any good presents?" "yeah, me Aunty Jean got me a goat, but they delivered it to somewhere in Africa... Unbelievable." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Christmas List Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

Christmas List Card "would you like me to get you a calendar this year?" "no I'm ok with this system thanks" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Moody Cunt Card

£2.50

"Happy Birthday You Moody Cunt" Send many happy returns of the day to the moody cunt in your life. Enough said. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Ideas Meeting Card

£2.50

Punctuation Apostrophe Business Card

£2.50

"How's the old apostrophe business?" "Yeah bit quiet. Had a false call out for a carrot sign last night. Greengrocer thought he needed a possessive, turned out he was after a straight plural." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it...

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Cheese & Wine Goose Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

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Good Christmas Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

''good christmas?'' ''yeah, just sat in front of the telly eating crisps all day'' You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

New Year Emoji Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

New Year Emoji Card "In case my Happy New Year text doesn't get through later on, I thought I'd just say Happy New Year, thumbs up" "cheers, same to you but with an added champagne bottle and party popper emoji thing yeah?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox...

Do What You Want Card

£2.50

"It's Your Special Day - Do What You Fucking Want With it Yeah" A Stroller greetings card that captures the true spirit of celebration days: watching TV and doing fuck-all. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Carol Singer Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

Carol Singer Card "I sang a carol earlier when you were out so I just popped back to pick up me cash" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Card Pack Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

Card Pack Card "didn't you give us this card last year?" "yeah I bought a pack of 20" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Festive Footprint Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

Festive Footprint Christmas Card "are these trees from an organically sustainable source?" "why what you going to do, fucking eat it or something?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Hacked Bank Account Card

£2.50

"what makes you think your account has been hacked?" "'cos there's some money in it?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Moody Cunt Christmas Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

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Seasonal Cutbacks Kids Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"Sorry kids the figures just aren't stacking up, we're going to have to make a couple of you redundant." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Health Monitor Card

£2.50

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Tree Stylist Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

Tree Stylist Card "I'm really not sure about it" "Hi, yeah I need a number for a 24 hour tree stylist" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Working Day Clear My Mind Card

~~£2.25~~ £1.00

Early Retirement Card

£2.50

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Turkey Saw Up Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

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What Are You? Card

~~£2.25~~ £1.00

Borrow 20 Quid Card

£2.50

"Dad can I borrow 20 quid to get you a birthday present?" "How about I just keep the 20 quid?" "That works for me, happy birthday yeah!" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Stroller Postcard Set

£9.99

Stroller Postcard Set Ever thought about sending your boss a postcard featuring him being serviced from behind by a cart horse? Well you can now, thanks to this surreal and highly collectable Stroller postcard set. Stick ‘em on your wall or reach out and touch a friend with this selection of beautifully-crafted designs celebrating some totally unique and magic moments....

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Festive Grid Drain Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"would you mind turning it down a bit, it's affecting my wife's dialysis machine." "perhaps you'd like to explain that to my little kiddie." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Motoring Speeding Card

£2.50

"I'm arresting you for speeding." "sorry mate me eyesight's fucked, I thought that sign said 'drive like a cunt" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Spa Voucher Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

Spa Voucher Card "Someone bought me a spa treatment voucher for Christmas, can I spend it in your snack machine?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Work Amazing Figures Card

£2.50

"these end of year figures are amazing" "yeah cheers, I fiddled around with them 'til they were bigger than last year's" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Cup Cake Mallet Card

£2.50

Weekend National Trust Walk Card

£2.50

I am on a recommended National Trust public walk, I see someone has hung a bag of dog shit from a tree. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Swear Tree Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

A Partridge in a Swear Tree Christmas Card Includes a word-search for the kids. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a printed handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Seasonal Zoom Call Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

Appraisal Cunts Upstairs Card

£2.50

"we would like to point out to you that it's highly unprofessional to refer to us as 'the cunts upstairs' when sending out emails to our client database" "Fair enough, rules are rules" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it...

Awkward Cunt Pastries Card

£2.50

"do you want any cakes or pastries with that?" "if I wanted them I probably would have fucking asked for them" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Wine Box Card

£2.50

"when the kids moved out we turned the spare bedroom into a wine box, do you fancy a glass?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

New Arrival Card

£2.50

Bullshitters Refreshers Card

£2.50

"I see you took yesterday off for a 'bullshitter's refresher course" "yeah here's my expenses" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Seasonal Yesteryear Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

Data Analyst Card

£2.50

"this spreadsheet of yours doesn't appear to make any sense" "yeah it's bollocks innit" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Work Biscuits Card

£2.50

"right Steve, come on what are you bringing to the table?" "I brought the biscuits?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Recipe Book Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"oh thanks a TV chef recipe book." "yeah sorry I couldn't think what the fuck to get you." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Customer Services Piss Myself Card

£2.50