New Card Bundle

£25.00

New Card Bundle All 15 brand new Modern Toss cards in a complete pack suitable for any occasion such as birthdays and people leaving your work; or just general piss-taking.  Save over £8 with this pack. Scroll through the images to see the complete collection yeah?

Postcard Bundle

£18.00

Postcard Bundle All 13 Postcards whacked into a bundle. Save a few quid as well yeah?

Disruption Techniques Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Disruption Techniques Card "he's very strong at disruption techniques"

Plants on Desk Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Plants on Desk Card "we have a 'no plants on desk' rule" "it's actually made of plastic?"

Perfume Request Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Perfume Request Card "I'm after some perfume but I don't know what it's called, it's the one with an advert where a bloke kicks a wall down and tells some people to go away, then I'm pretty sure he rides off on a horse while a woman has an argument with an eagle in French...

Boring Meeting Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Boring Meeting Card "ok if I look at my phone for a bit, this meeting's boring the fuck out of me"

Water Cooler Bat Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Water Cooler Bat Card "what did you do at the weekend?" "I smashed my house up with a bat"

Bonus Department Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Bonus Department Card "I got this work finished quicker than normal, what way is it to the bonus department?"

Over Confident Applicant Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Over Confident Applicant Card "well I think that went really well" "cheers nice one mate, let's all go out and get fucking wankered yeah"

Getting Home Early Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Getting Home Early Card "ok what does success look like to everyone?" "getting home early?"

Box Sets Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Box Sets Card "you off out?" "yeah, I've seen this episode, give us a tenner or I'll tell you what happens next"

Homework Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Homework Card "your essay's very good but the spelling is appalling" "yeah I like to add my personal voice to stuff I've downloaded off the internet"

Awkward Cunt Drink Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Awkward Cunt Drink Card "can I get you a drink sir?" "I dunno, can you?"  

Couch to 5k Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Couch to 5k Card "yeah, I'm thinking of doing the couch to 5k programme? Can I take a look at your couches?"

Walk in Wardrobe Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Walk in Wardrobe Card "We've had an emergency call from a woman who's lost in a walk in wardrobe?"

Ed Sheeran Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Ed Sheeran Card "Alexa, play Ed Sheeran" "do I have to?"  

Dogs Pet Shop Card

£2.25

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Dogs Pet Shop Card "and this is our most domesticated breed" "before I go anywhere, ask them how fast their broadband speed is at home"  

Dirty Old Fucker Postcard

£1.75

Dirty Old Fucker Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Do What You Want Postcard

£1.75

Do What You Want Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Ironing Secret Admirer Postcard

£1.75

Ironing Secret Admirer Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Lawnmower Secret Admirer Postcard

£1.75

Lawnmower Secret Admirer Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Moody Cunt Postcard

£1.75

Moody Cunt Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Married an Idiot Postcard

£1.75

Married an Idiot Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Clear Up The Pisspots Postcard

£1.75

Clear Up The Pisspots Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Lesbian Wife Postcard

£1.75

Lesbian Wife Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Go For It Postcard

£1.75

Go For It Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Staying Together Postcard

£1.75

Staying Together Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Kick Back Postcard

£1.75

Kick Back Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Play to Win Postcard

£1.75

Play to Win Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Visualize Your Goal Postcard

£1.75

Visualize Your Goal Postcard An individual A6 postcard printed on high quality card. Part of a complete, shit-yourself-laughing postcard range.

Festive Footprint Card

£2.25

Festive Footprint Christmas Card "are these trees from an organically sustainable source?" "why what you going to do, fucking eat it or something?"

Festive Grid Drain Card

£2.25

"would you mind turning it down a bit, it's affecting my wife's dialysis machine." "perhaps you'd like to explain that to my little kiddie."

Multi-tasking Card

£2.25

"What are you like at multi-tasking? "Pretty good. I often read the paper while I'm having a shit."

Seasonal Bollocks Card

£2.25

Seasonal Bollocks Card Seasonal Bollocks to You

Christmas List Card

£2.25

Christmas List Card "would you like me to get you a calendar this year?" "no I'm ok with this system thanks"

Tree Stylist Card

£2.25

Tree Stylist Card "I'm really not sure about it" "Hi, yeah I need a number for a 24 hour tree stylist"

Recycled Tree Card

£2.25

Recycled Tree Card "No Christmas tree this year?"  "Steve likes to wait until Boxing Day so we can get one out of the recycling area"

New Year Emoji Card

£2.25

New Year Emoji Card "In case my Happy New Year text doesn't get through later on, I thought I'd just say Happy New Year, thumbs up" "cheers, same to you but with an added champagne bottle and party popper emoji thing yeah?"

Cheese & Wine Gerry Card

£2.25

"We'd better be making a move, Gerry's just shit himself"

Office Party Card

£2.25

"sorry mate you can't come in, the chairman's photocopying his arse"

Christmas Dinner Card

£2.25

"this is nice all sitting down for Christmas dinner""not if you talk all through this film, which I might add is shit"

Seasonal Skype Call Card

£2.25

"who the fuck are this lot?""hello Grandad"

Bus Replacement Card

£2.25

"this is the most up to date set, it comes with a replacement bus service"

Awkward Cunt Christmas Card

£2.25

"hello, and what would you like for Christmas?""I dunno, you fucking work it out."

SAD Robin Card

£2.25

"that robin's in the garden again""have you tried throwing something at it?"

Santa Skiing Holiday Card

£2.25

"Congratulations you've got the job""Cheers, I need a couple of weeks off in December, I've got a skiing holiday booked"

Not Taking Your Coat Off Card

£2.25

"Not taking your coat off Dave?""He only agreed to come because he thought you'd have the heating on"

Seasonal Pervert Card

£2.25

"Merry Christmas mate, here's a video of me trying on all your wife's new underwear"

Seasonal Work Card

£2.25

"Spending Christmas with the family again?""Yeah can you write me a note saying I have to come in"

Christmas Armistice Card

£2.25

"It's from your sister, she wants to know if we'd be up for a Christmas present armistice?""Yeah send her one back, see if she's up for skipping the meal as well"

Christmas Game Card

£2.25

''one word...''''bollocks''

Santa Website Card

£2.25

''look at this website showing a satellite image of where santa is currently delivering presents''''obviously fucking bullshit''

Christmas Centrepiece Card

£2.25

''everyone ok with me wearing my new Christmas underwear?''

Cutbacks Lights Card

£2.25

''I've had to cut back a bit this year, normally I turn them on in September''

Good Christmas Card

£2.25

''good christmas?''''yeah, just sat in front of the telly eating crisps all day''

Christmas Jumper Card

£2.25

"what d'you reckon?""yeah I like it.""It's not too tight around the arms is it?"

Family Tree Card

£2.25

"I've been doing the family tree and it turns out none of us are related.""Can we all go home then?"

Seasonal Cutbacks Kids Card

£2.25

"Sorry kids the figures just aren't stacking up, we're going to have to make a couple of you redundant."

Seasonal Yesteryear Card

£2.25

"Hold these while I have a piss over that drain."  

Christmas Argument Card

£2.25

Christmas Argument Card"yeah all good here thanks, we've had the meal and we'rejust getting ready for the argument."

Cheese & Wine Decorations Card

£2.25

Cheese & Wine Decorations Christmas Card"All our Christmas cards are totally hand made this year.""I wondered why it all looked so fucking shit."This one is dedicated to Kirsty Allsopp.

Recipe Book Card

£2.25

"oh thanks a TV chef recipe book.""yeah sorry I couldn't think what the fuck to get you."

Seagull Cutbacks Card

£2.25

"we thought we'd try something a bit different this year.""is that a seagull?"

Moody Cunt Christmas Card

£2.25

'Happy Christmas You Moody Cunt'

Phone Mast Card

£2.25

"nice tree Dave must have cost a packet.""yeah keep it quiet it's a phone mast, should pay for this year's holiday.""pumping out some heat innit?"

Grandad Turkey Card

£2.25

"where are you going with Dad?""I don't care if he's got Alzheimer's no-one sticks their cock in the Turkey.""see you next year Grandad."

Cheese & Wine Pills Card

£2.25

"I see you've got a Christmas card.""yes it's from the company who supply my hard on pills."

Cheese & Wine Goose Card

£2.25

"I hear Peter's having goose for Christmas." "Peter's a fucking ponce."

Swear Tree Card

£2.25

A Partridge in a Swear Tree Christmas Card Includes a word-search for the kids.

SAD Mince Pie Card

£2.25

Seasonal Affective Disorder Mince Pie Christmas Card"next door want to know if we'd like to pop over for a mince pie""I've got a fucking mince pie"

SAD Christmas Walk Card

£2.25

"do you want to come out for a Christmas Walk?" "no I fucking don't."  

Goat Present Card

£2.25

"d'you get any good presents?" "yeah, me Aunty Jean got me a goat, but they delivered it to somewhere in Africa... Unbelievable."

Work Motivational Poster Card

£2.25

"give us a hand putting this motivational poster up" "sorry mate I'm due an electronic fag break"

Sale!

What Are You? Card

£2.25 £1.00

"What are you, some sort of cunt?" (T'es qui toi, une sorte de con?)

Sale!

Narcissist Boss Card

£2.25 £1.00

"Anyway, cheers for all your hard work and here's a little something from me"

Punctuation Legal Problems Card

£2.25

"Better be careful where we stand I dont want any legal problems"

Punctuation Paris Hat Card

£2.25

"I love your hat" "thanks, I picked it up in Paris"

Punctuation Speech Marks Card

£2.25

"Not often we get the chance to chat without a load of speech getting in the way" "Actually I'd be better be off, got a last minute job indicating an omitted character in a word somewhere"

Punctuation Apostrophe Business Card

£2.25

"How's the old apostrophe business?" "Yeah bit quiet. Had a false call out for a carrot sign last night. Greengrocer thought he needed a possessive, turned out he was after a straight plural."

Punctuation What Do You Do Card

£2.25

"And what do you do?" "Traditionally, I indicate an elaboration of something that were just before me, but since texting came along I've been doing a lot of work with the old end bracket here" "Yeah we've been run off our feet lately, people can't leave us alone"

Punctuation Can't be Fucked Card

£2.25

"People used to use me to partially obscure swearwords, but it seems like they can't be fucked anymore" "luck of the draw mate, I was long term unemployed until some bloke invented email"

Weekend Dog Cheese Card

£2.25

The opening of the fridge door alerts the dog to the presence of cheese.

Segway Bat Card

£2.25

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Taken from the Mindless Violence Colouring Book

Generation Arsehole GCSE Card

£2.25

"I normally home tutor for maths GCSE" "we just want you to train home not to piss all round the toilet seat"

Company Calendar Card

£2.25

"what's all these photos of you naked?" "just letting you know what I've got if you need to do a company calendar"

Bullshitters Refreshers Card

£2.25

"I see you took yesterday off for a 'bullshitter's refresher course" "yeah here's my expenses"

Hacked Bank Account Card

£2.25

"what makes you think your account has been hacked?" "'cos there's some money in it?"

Work Retox Clinic Card

£2.25

"I can't come back to work this week, I've had to book myself in the retox clinic"

Sign Up Don't Turn Up Card

£2.25

"Do you do a 'Sign Up, Don't Turn Up' Package?"

Monday Morning Wine Card

£2.25

"excuse me, what wine would you recommend for a monday morning?"

Customer Services Piss Myself Card

£2.25

"this drink I bought off you, made me piss myself"

Work Team Player Card

£2.25

"hi sorry I'm late, I couldn't be fucked to get here any quicker"

Health Monitor Card

£2.25

"how you getting on with your health monitor wristband?" "yeah, I've found I'm getting much better results since I stuck it on the dog"

Work Impressive Reference Card

£2.25

"very impressive reference" "cheers, I wrote that"

Work Robot Card

£2.25

"I'm worried about the effects of new technology on my work prospects" "Don't panic, we offered your job to a robot and he didn't want it"

Lap Dancing Card

£2.25

"Ahh now I see from your CV you've got tap dancing down as a hobby""Yeah that's actually lap dancing, I can't type for shit"First rule of interviews: focus on your strengths. An inspiring card for jobseekers.

Appraisal Cunts Upstairs Card

£2.25

"we would like to point out to you that it's highly unprofessional to refer to us as 'the cunts upstairs' when sending out emails to our client database" "Fair enough, rules are rules"

One Bar Signal Card

£2.25

"Congratulations you've got the job!" "I dunno if I can work here, I'm only getting one bar on me phone"   Priorities, innit?

Successful Idea Card

£2.25

"Here's an idea, why don't we just do stuff that's going to be really massively successful?" Why think outside the box, when you don't have to think at all?    

Birthday Day Off Card

£2.25

"I see you've applied for a day off on your birthday" "yeah, imagine being stuck in this shithole on your birthday" An apt birthday card for a colleague, employee, boss, or anyone who's used up all their holiday time and are feeling sorry for themselves.  

Borrow 20 Quid Card

£2.25

"Dad can I borrow 20 quid to get you a birthday present?" "How about I just keep the 20 quid?" "That works for me, happy birthday yeah!"

Customer Feedback Card

£2.25

"great to get all this feedback off our new customer forum" "yeah I had no idea we were such a shit company"  

For a Special Lady Card

£2.25

Because the lady loves... fags and wine in bed.  

Sale!

Play To Win Card

£2.25 £1.00

"You Play To Win" A Stroller card for the discerning sportsman.

Beer In Bed Card

£2.25

"On Your Special Day" Celebrate someone's birthday by bringing them a beer in bed. And this Stroller card. Sorted.

Do What You Want Card

£2.25

"It's Your Special Day - Do What You Fucking Want With it Yeah" A Stroller greetings card that captures the true spirit of celebration days: watching TV and doing fuck-all.