Cards | Modern Toss

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Cup of Tea Card

£2.50

Introducing the latest edition of Modern Toss cards... Cup of Tea Card "Anyone want a cup of tea?" "Not if you're fucking making it" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Bollocks To This Card

£2.50

Chill Out Yeah Card

£2.50

"how much is your meditation course?" "80 quid" "well that's fucking wound me right up for a start" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

Cheese & Wine Hug Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"bloody hell Gerry he was only trying to give you a hug." "I thought he was coming at me so I decked him." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Birthday Present Card

£2.50

"didn't I give this to you for Christmas?" "yeah I didn't like it, happy birthday" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Data Analyst Card

£2.50

"this spreadsheet of yours doesn't appear to make any sense" "yeah it's bollocks innit" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Before and After Internet Card

£2.50

Brow Bar Card

£2.50

"I've got a big meeting coming up, can you make me look like I'm really interested" If you pay extra you can get them tattooed on so that you permanently look like you're questioning your choices in life. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to...

Sale!

Book is Shit Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

"This book I bought off you is fucking shit" The Modern Toss customer services department is highly trained to deal with complaints of this nature. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Book From Grandad Card

£2.50

Sale!

Afternoon Tweet Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

"I see from your afternoon tweet that you're bored as fucking arseholes" "yeah cheers, I didn't know you were following me" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Dog at Work Card

£2.50

"you can't bring a dog into work" "er hello? He's not actually working"" Fair point really. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Cup Cake Mallet Card

£2.50

Awkward Cunt Pastries Card

£2.50

"do you want any cakes or pastries with that?" "if I wanted them I probably would have fucking asked for them" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Do What You Want Card

£2.50

"It's Your Special Day - Do What You Fucking Want With it Yeah" A Stroller greetings card that captures the true spirit of celebration days: watching TV and doing fuck-all. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Beer In Bed Card

£2.50

"On Your Special Day" Celebrate someone's birthday by bringing them a beer in bed. And this Stroller card. Sorted. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Customer Feedback Card

£2.50

"great to get all this feedback off our new customer forum" "yeah I had no idea we were such a shit company" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Borrow 20 Quid Card

£2.50

"Dad can I borrow 20 quid to get you a birthday present?" "How about I just keep the 20 quid?" "That works for me, happy birthday yeah!" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Birthday Day Off Card

£2.50

"I see you've applied for a day off on your birthday" "yeah, imagine being stuck in this shithole on your birthday" An apt birthday card for a colleague, employee, boss, or anyone who's used up all their holiday time and are feeling sorry for themselves. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten...

Sale!

Busiest Week Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

"I see you've applied for time off during our busiest week." "yeah, hopefully you'll have everything done by the time I get back." A productivity-boosting work-themed greetings card for the lazy tosser in your life. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and...

Appraisal Cunts Upstairs Card

£2.50

"we would like to point out to you that it's highly unprofessional to refer to us as 'the cunts upstairs' when sending out emails to our client database" "Fair enough, rules are rules" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it...

Customer Services Piss Myself Card

£2.50

Sale!

Bullshitters Refreshers Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

"I see you took yesterday off for a 'bullshitter's refresher course" "yeah here's my expenses" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

Cheese & Wine Goose Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Sale!

Cheese & Wine Decorations Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Cheese & Wine Decorations Christmas Card "All our Christmas cards are totally hand made this year." "I wondered why it all looked so fucking shit." This one is dedicated to Kirsty Allsopp. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your...

Sale!

Christmas Argument Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Christmas Argument Card "yeah all good here thanks, we've had the meal and we're just getting ready for the argument." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

Christmas Jumper Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

"what d'you reckon?" "yeah I like it." "It's not too tight around the arms is it?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

Christmas Game Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Sale!

Christmas Dinner Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

"this is nice all sitting down for Christmas dinner" "not if you talk all through this film, which I might add is shit" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

Christmas List Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Christmas List Card "would you like me to get you a calendar this year?" "no I'm ok with this system thanks" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Dinner For One Card

£2.50

Dinner For One Card "It says this is a meal for one?" "Yeah I thought you'd bring something for yourself?" You can send this card direct to your loved one with a printed handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Chocolates Valentine

£2.50

Chocolates Valentine's Day Card ''I never thought Steve'd be the first to go, not with him being a lime barrel'' ''hang on lads panic over, she's just spat him into the bin'' You can send this card direct to your loved one with a printed handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

15 Minute Slot Valentine

£2.50

15 Minute Slot Valentine's Day Card Don't bother looking at the starters, I only managed to book a 15 minute slot. You can send this card direct to your loved one with a printed handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Always Be Mine Card

£2.50

Cock in a Box Valentine

£2.50

CCTV Admirer Card

£2.50

Sale!

Cut Out Heart Valentine

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Dogging Valentine

£2.50

Cheese and Wine Dogging Valentine's Day Card I see you've got a Valentine's card. Yes it's from a woman I go dogging with. You can send this card direct to your loved one with a printed handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Clear Up The Pisspots Postcard

£1.75

Dirty Old Fucker Postcard

£1.75

Dogs Pet Shop Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Dogs Pet Shop Card "and this is our most domesticated breed" "before I go anywhere, ask them how fast their broadband speed is at home" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Couch to 5k Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... "yeah, I'm thinking of doing the couch to 5k programme? Can I take a look at your couches?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Awkward Cunt Drink Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Awkward Cunt Drink Card "can I get you a drink sir?" "I dunno, can you?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Bonus Department Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Bonus Department Card "I got this work finished quicker than normal, what way is it to the bonus department?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Boring Meeting Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Boring Meeting Card "ok if I look at my phone for a bit, this meeting's boring the fuck out of me" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Disruption Techniques Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Disruption Techniques Card "he's very strong at disruption techniques" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Do What You Want Postcard

£1.75

Sale!

Seasonal Mood Bat Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Sale!

Card Pack Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Card Pack Card "didn't you give us this card last year?" "yeah I bought a pack of 20" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

Carol Singer Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Carol Singer Card "I sang a carol earlier when you were out so I just popped back to pick up me cash" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

Dress for Dinner Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Buggering Old Twat Card

£2.50

Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Buggering Old Twat Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card. You can send this card direct to your mates or family...

Sale!

Basils Fuck Yodel Card

~~£2.99~~ £1.50

Tossary of Terms card range - Basils Fuck Yodel Card Lifted from The Tossary of Terms which identifies and defines new words and phrases for a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket...

Sale!

10000 Steps Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Tossary of Terms card range - 10000 Steps Card From the Tossary of Terms book which identifies and defines new words and phrases with a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below...

Chillaxative Card

£2.50

Tossary of Terms card range - Chillaxative Card From the Tossary of Terms book which identifies and defines new words and phrases with a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and...

Sale!

Back Sack Twat Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Tossary of Terms card range - Back Sack Twat Card From the Tossary of Terms book which identifies and defines new words and phrases with a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket...

Cock Bonnet Card

£2.50

Tossary of Terms card range - Cock Bonnet Card From the Tossary of Terms which identifies and defines new words and phrases, with a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and...

Anti-Social Networking Card

£2.50

Introducing the latest edition of Modern Toss cards... Anti-Social Networking Card "I see you've sent me another friend request" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Bum Look Big Enough Card

£2.50

Introducing the latest edition of Modern Toss cards... Bum Look Big Enough Card "Does my bum look big enough in this?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

Buy More Shit Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Buy More Shit or We're all Fucked First created following the 2008 banking crash, we didn't expect our Buy More Shit or We're All Fucked stuff to still be relevant but here we are.... Spread the word with this greeting card. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a printed message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to...

Back Sack Twat Postcard

£1.75

10,000 Steps Postcard

£1.75

Blagpiper Postcard

£1.75

Community Spirit Card

£2.50

Introducing the latest lockdown edition of Modern Toss cards... 'Community Spirit' Card "alright mate, do you wanna buy my supermarket delivery slot?" Desperate Business cartoon from Private Eye. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a printed message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Bubble Life Podcast Card

£2.50

Introducing the latest lockdown edition of Modern Toss cards... 'Bubble Life Podcast' "I'm thinking about doing a podcast about not going on holiday" "I'm thinking about doing a podcast about not listening to your podcast about not going on holiday" "Sounds good, maybe I'll just listen to that instead" You can send this card direct to your mates or...

Bubble Life Streaming Card

£2.50

Introducing the latest edition of Modern Toss cards... 'Bubble Life Streaming' "Do you wanna join me live streaming myself watching someone live streaming themselves playing a guitar?" "Yeah in a bit, I'm just tiktokking myself eating biscuit" Desperate Business cartoon first showed in Private Eye You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a printed message via...

Sale!

Christmas Experience Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

"we're not doing the whole christmas present thing this year, we're gifting experiences?" "yeah Steve's gifted me the experience of watching him scrape the turkey fat off the baking tray" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

Christmas Cheer Wine Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

"the neighbours want to come round for a glass of wine" "tell 'em they can have the whole bottle if they stay where they are" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive-By Meeting Card

£2.50

Drive-By Meeting Card Introducing our new Drive-By Abuser card collection... "banging some ideas around yeah?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive-By Sunbather Card

£2.50

Drive-By Sunbather Card Introducing our new Drive-By Abuser card collection... "it's alright for some innit" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive-By TV Quipster Card

£2.50

Drive-By TV Quipster Card Introducing our new Drive-By Abuser card collection... "Quipping about things are ya?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive-By Golf Card

£2.50

Drive-By Golf Card Introducing our new Drive-By Abuser card collection... "you playing golf are ya? yeah!" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive-By Matchstick Card

£2.50

Drive-By Matchstick Card Introducing our new Drive-By Abuser card collection... "that's life mate, don't come running to me" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive-By Mountaineer Card

£2.50

Drive-By Mountaineer Card Introducing our new Drive-By Abuser card collection... "someone's got to do it yeah" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive-By Shopper Card

£2.50

Drive-By The Shopper Card Introducing our new Drive-By Abuser card collection... "whack it on the plastic!" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive-By Texter Card

£2.50

Drive-By Texter Card Introducing our new Drive-By Abuser card collection... "sending a text? leving out som leters yeah" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive-By Reindeer Card

£2.50

Drive-By Reindeer Card Introducing our new Drive-By Abuser card collection... "Alright! pack of reindeer yeah?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive-By Christmas Tree Card

£2.50

Drive-By Christmas Tree Card Introducing our new Drive By Abuser card collection... "Seasonal tree are you?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Bird Feeder Card

£2.50

Introducing the latest edition of Modern Toss cards... Bird Feeder Card "I started putting food out for them, now I can't keep up with their demands" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.