"do you want to do anything for your milestone birthday coming up?" "no I fucking don't" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Taken from the Mindless Violence Colouring Book You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"excuse me, what wine would you recommend for a monday morning?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"I see you've applied for a day off on your birthday" "yeah, imagine being stuck in this shithole on your birthday" An apt birthday card for a colleague, employee, boss, or anyone who's used up all their holiday time and are feeling sorry for themselves. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten...
Because the lady loves... fags and wine in bed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Ed Sheeran Card "Alexa, play Ed Sheeran" "do I have to?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Getting Home Early Card "ok what does success look like to everyone?" "getting home early?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"On Your Special Day" Celebrate someone's birthday by bringing them a beer in bed. And this Stroller card. Sorted. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Boring Meeting Card "ok if I look at my phone for a bit, this meeting's boring the fuck out of me" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"how much is your meditation course?" "80 quid" "well that's fucking wound me right up for a start" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"didn't I give this to you for Christmas?" "yeah I didn't like it, happy birthday" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"I'm worried about the effects of new technology on my work prospects" "Don't panic, we offered your job to a robot and he didn't want it" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"I've got a big meeting coming up, can you make me look like I'm really interested" If you pay extra you can get them tattooed on so that you permanently look like you're questioning your choices in life. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to...
One of our parents is trying to call us on the landline. Anyone going to answer?
Beautiful surroundings and chilled out zen vibe for this Birthday message. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Tossary of Terms card range - Pantathlon Card Lifted from The Tossary of Terms book which identifies and defines new words and phrases for a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below...
Tossary of Terms card range - Kiplings Smog Card The Tossary of Terms identifies and defines, with new words and phrases, a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your...
Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Bloody Fucking Hell Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card. You can send this card direct to your mates or family...
Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Fucking Old Bastard Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card. You can send this card direct to your mates or...
Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Face Like A Wanker Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card. You can send this card direct to your mates or family...
Tossary of Terms card range - Back Sack Twat Card From the Tossary of Terms book which identifies and defines new words and phrases with a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket...
Tossary of Terms card range - Smug Goblet Card From the Tossary of Terms book which identifies and defines new words and phrases with a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below...
Periodic Table of Swearing Card range - Buggering Old Twat Card The 21st century design classic, Periodic Table of Swearing, has now expanded into a range of seriously sweary greetings cards. Ideal for wishing someone Happy Birthday, Good Luck or any other reason why you'd buy someone a fucking card. You can send this card direct to your mates or family...
''one word...'' ''bollocks'' You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Seasonal Bollocks Card Seasonal Bollocks to You You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"hello, and what would you like for Christmas?" "I dunno, you fucking work it out." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Christmas Argument Card "yeah all good here thanks, we've had the meal and we're just getting ready for the argument." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"we thought we'd try something a bit different this year." "is that a seagull?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"this is nice all sitting down for Christmas dinner" "not if you talk all through this film, which I might add is shit" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"this is the most up to date set, it comes with a replacement bus service" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Seasonal Affective Disorder Mince Pie Christmas Card "next door want to know if we'd like to pop over for a mince pie" "I've got a fucking mince pie" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Working Day too much? Have a drink and a lie down. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Recycled Tree Card "No Christmas tree this year?" "Steve likes to wait until Boxing Day so we can get one out of the recycling area"
"hi sorry I'm late, I couldn't be fucked to get here any quicker" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"what d'you reckon?" "yeah I like it." "It's not too tight around the arms is it?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
''look at this website showing a satellite image of where santa is currently delivering presents'' ''obviously fucking bullshit'' You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Cheese & Wine Decorations Christmas Card "All our Christmas cards are totally hand made this year." "I wondered why it all looked so fucking shit." This one is dedicated to Kirsty Allsopp. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your...
"do you want to come out for a Christmas Walk?" "no I fucking don't." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"Congratulations you've got the job" "Cheers, I need a couple of weeks off in December, I've got a skiing holiday booked" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"I've been doing the family tree and it turns out none of us are related." "Can we all go home then?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"d'you get any good presents?" "yeah, me Aunty Jean got me a goat, but they delivered it to somewhere in Africa... Unbelievable." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Christmas List Card "would you like me to get you a calendar this year?" "no I'm ok with this system thanks" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"Happy Birthday You Moody Cunt" Send many happy returns of the day to the moody cunt in your life. Enough said. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"don't think about it, just say it" "Fuck you" Dream meeting scenario. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"How's the old apostrophe business?" "Yeah bit quiet. Had a false call out for a carrot sign last night. Greengrocer thought he needed a possessive, turned out he was after a straight plural." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it...
"I hear Peter's having goose for Christmas." "Peter's a fucking ponce."
''good christmas?'' ''yeah, just sat in front of the telly eating crisps all day'' You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
New Year Emoji Card "In case my Happy New Year text doesn't get through later on, I thought I'd just say Happy New Year, thumbs up" "cheers, same to you but with an added champagne bottle and party popper emoji thing yeah?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox...
"It's Your Special Day - Do What You Fucking Want With it Yeah" A Stroller greetings card that captures the true spirit of celebration days: watching TV and doing fuck-all. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Carol Singer Card "I sang a carol earlier when you were out so I just popped back to pick up me cash" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Card Pack Card "didn't you give us this card last year?" "yeah I bought a pack of 20" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Festive Footprint Christmas Card "are these trees from an organically sustainable source?" "why what you going to do, fucking eat it or something?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"what makes you think your account has been hacked?" "'cos there's some money in it?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
'Happy Christmas You Moody Cunt' You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"Sorry kids the figures just aren't stacking up, we're going to have to make a couple of you redundant." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"how you getting on with your health monitor wristband?" "yeah, I've found I'm getting much better results since I stuck it on the dog"
Tree Stylist Card "I'm really not sure about it" "Hi, yeah I need a number for a 24 hour tree stylist" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
As you get nearer to your place of work do you totally clear your mind until there's fuck all in it?
"I'm thinking of taking early retirement" "how early?" "about 2.30" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Turkey Saw Up Card May the spirit of Christmas fill your home. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"Dad can I borrow 20 quid to get you a birthday present?" "How about I just keep the 20 quid?" "That works for me, happy birthday yeah!" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Stroller Postcard Set Ever thought about sending your boss a postcard featuring him being serviced from behind by a cart horse? Well you can now, thanks to this surreal and highly collectable Stroller postcard set. Stick ‘em on your wall or reach out and touch a friend with this selection of beautifully-crafted designs celebrating some totally unique and magic moments....
"would you mind turning it down a bit, it's affecting my wife's dialysis machine." "perhaps you'd like to explain that to my little kiddie." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"I'm arresting you for speeding." "sorry mate me eyesight's fucked, I thought that sign said 'drive like a cunt" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Spa Voucher Card "Someone bought me a spa treatment voucher for Christmas, can I spend it in your snack machine?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"these end of year figures are amazing" "yeah cheers, I fiddled around with them 'til they were bigger than last year's" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
Cup cake stalls are not everyone's cup of tea. Fair enough. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
I am on a recommended National Trust public walk, I see someone has hung a bag of dog shit from a tree. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
A Partridge in a Swear Tree Christmas Card Includes a word-search for the kids. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a printed handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"who the fuck are this lot?" "hello Grandad" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"we would like to point out to you that it's highly unprofessional to refer to us as 'the cunts upstairs' when sending out emails to our client database" "Fair enough, rules are rules" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it...
"do you want any cakes or pastries with that?" "if I wanted them I probably would have fucking asked for them" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"when the kids moved out we turned the spare bedroom into a wine box, do you fancy a glass?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
''helloooo" "isn't it beautiful" "where's my fucking presents?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"I see you took yesterday off for a 'bullshitter's refresher course" "yeah here's my expenses" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"Hold these while I have a piss over that drain." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"this spreadsheet of yours doesn't appear to make any sense" "yeah it's bollocks innit" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"right Steve, come on what are you bringing to the table?" "I brought the biscuits?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.
"oh thanks a TV chef recipe book." "yeah sorry I couldn't think what the fuck to get you." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.