Drive By Poetry Book

£9.99

NEW! Hardback Collection of Drive By Abuser Poetry, happily tackling any subject in the world and making some sense of it. Alright? Thumbing through a book yeah? Admiring its epic sweep? Must be a classic. I should know, I fucking wrote it. STOCK NOW IN!

Toss Desktop Calendar 2021

£8.99

Modern Toss Desktop Calendar 2021 STOCK NOW IN! The formidable A5 Desktop Calendar has returned fresh to the Modern Toss shop and is ready to tell you what day it is. This time delivered in a timeless shade of classic blue. Suitable for your desk, worktop, or wherever the fuck you want. Contains historical dates of birthdays and notable people. A...

Toss Stickers

£9.99

Welcome to our first ever pack of Toss stickers. Perfect for livening up boring old shit lying around your house or office.

Work is Shit Book

£9.99

Work is Shit Book Introducing a brand new collection of pin-sharp and totally hilarious work jokes from Modern Toss. This bang-up-to-date selection explores some of the technological advances which have managed to make work even more shit than it was before, while still acknowledging the more traditional ways that have always made work shit. Warning: Contains language actually used in...

Tossary of Terms Book

£9.99

Welcome to Tossary of Terms, the first in an illustrated dictionary series produced by cult cartoonists Modern Toss. This book identifies and defines, with new words and phrases, a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed.  The fast changing modern scene chucks up stuff faster than we can nail it down and label it. The...

Christmas Mood Book

£9.99

Eighty pages of seasonal cartoon excellence! Contains a hand-picked selection of our greatest festive hits, trussed up in one bumper blowout book. Includes new cartoons!

Festive Shit Wrap

£2.50

Festive Shit Wrap Get your shit-naks all wrapped up with this limited edition Festive Shit Wrapping paper for the full Toss effect this Christmas. Sold in packs of 2. Dimensions: 489mm x 692mm

Seasonal Bollock Stick

£9.99

A build-your-own die-cut desktop Christmas tree featuring Alan as a festive tree topper. Stands at 28cm high. Festive, yeah? See the Seasonal Bollock Stick rotate through 360 degrees in this exclusive video. Requires minimal construction skills - watch the how-to video here. Dimensions: Packaged: 28.5cm x 19cm Assembled: 28cm x 17cm x 8cm

Periodic Table A5 Notebook

£8.99

Periodic Table of Swearing Notebook One of the 21st century's most cutting edge designs has been stuck on the cover of a notebook. The Periodic Table of Swearing contains over 100 swear elements including personal favourites, 'Stinks Like Piss', 'Who's The Prat In The Corner' and 'Stupid Cunt.' Perfect for taking notes in class or at work, while sneakily swearing...

Work Amazing Figures Notebook

£4.99

Introducing the NEW range of Modern Toss Notebooks perfect for pretending to take notes at work, during class or in any awkward situation. Delivered across 64 crisp-white feint lined pages in a modern A6 format. Work Amazing Figures Notebook "these end of year figures are amazing" "yeah cheers, I fiddled around with them 'til they were bigger than last year's"

Ideas Meeting Mug

£12.00

"don't think about it, just say it" "fuck you"  2 FOR £20 ON ALL MUGS AND TEA TOWELS Comes in a gift box. Dishwasher and microwave safe. 9.5cm height x 8.5cm diameter.

Work at Weekend Mug

£12.00

"can you come in at the weekend?" "I'll come in but I'm not fucking doing anything." 2 FOR £20 ON ALL MUGS AND TEA TOWELS Comes in a gift box. Dishwasher and microwave safe. 9.5cm height x 8.5cm diameter.

Work Fuck Off Mug

£12.00

“I can’t come in today, so fuck off.”  2 FOR £20 ON ALL MUGS AND TEA TOWELS Comes with a gift box. Dishwasher and microwave safe. 9.5cm height x 8.5cm diameter. 

Periodic Table of Swearing Mug

£12.00

The Periodic Table of Swearing contains a comprehensive selection of the finest swearing insults and is now available on a mug for passive-aggressive tea drinking. 2 FOR £20 ON ALL MUGS AND TEA TOWELS Modern Toss gift box included. Dishwasher and microwave safe.

Periodic Table of Swearing Tea Towel

£12.00

Periodic Table of Swearing Tea Towel The only tea-towel that will get you fluent in obscenity as well as drying your dishes. The Periodic Table of Swearing contains over 100 chemical swearing elements, grouped by category.  2 FOR £20 ON ALL MUGS AND TEA TOWELS

ADVANCE ORDER Flies Tea Towel

£12.00

THIS IS AN ADVANCE ORDER - STOCK DUE IN 3 WEEKS! Flies of the British Isles Tea Towel 2 FOR £20 ON ALL MUGS AND TEA TOWELS Wipe the fuck out of your dishes with a Modern Toss tea towel.

Decade Book

£28.00

'The Best Book Ever' – The Sunday Times Style Magazine  'You will shit yourself laughing.' – The Idler 'Already a contemporary cartoon classic.' – The Guardian 'No one captures the frustrations of modern British life more acutely, or scurrilously, than Modern Toss.' – The Independent LAST FEW LEFT! This incredible collection documents the Modern Toss story from the very beginning,...

Seasonal Misfits Pack

£9.50

Get a bundle of 7 New and Classic Christmas cards for £9.50 – saving over a six quid! Scroll through the images to the see the full collection. XMT47: Family Tree Card XMT66: Christmas Dinner Card XMT68: Seasonal Cutbacks Tree Card XMT67: New Year Emoji Card XMT71: Seasonal Bollocks Card XMT77: Christmas Cheer Wine Card XMT76: Gifting Experiences Presents Card

Drive By Christmas Tree Card

£2.50

Drive-By Christmas Tree Card Introducing our new Drive By Abuser card collection... "Seasonal tree are you?"    You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive By Reindeer Card

£2.50

Drive-By Reindeer Card Introducing our new Drive By Abuser card collection... "Alright! pack of reindeer yeah?"    You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Seasonal Cutbacks Presents Card

£2.50

"I thought we were cutting back on presents this year?" "don't panic, I nicked this lot from next door"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Christmas Experience Card

£2.50

"we're not doing the whole christmas present thing this year, we're gifting experiences?" "yeah Steve's gifted me the experience of watching him scrape the turkey fat off the baking tray"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Merry Christmas Holiday Card

£2.50

"don't buy me anything expensive this year" "I wasn't going to, I'm going on holiday"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Christmas Cheer Wine Card

£2.50

"the neighbours want to come round for a glass of wine" "tell 'em they can have the whole bottle if they stay where they are"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Card Pack Card

£2.50

Card Pack Card "didn't you give us this card last year?" "yeah I bought a pack of 20"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Dress for Dinner Card

£2.50

Dress for Dinner Card "d'you reckon we should dress for dinner?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Spa Voucher Card

£2.50

Spa Voucher Card "Someone bought me a spa treatment voucher for Christmas, can I spend it in your snack machine?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Carol Singer Card

£2.50

Carol Singer Card "I sang a carol earlier when you were out so I just popped back to pick up me cash"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Christmas List Card

£2.50

Christmas List Card "would you like me to get you a calendar this year?" "no I'm ok with this system thanks"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Tree Stylist Card

£2.50

Tree Stylist Card "I'm really not sure about it" "Hi, yeah I need a number for a 24 hour tree stylist"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

New Year Emoji Card

£2.50

New Year Emoji Card "In case my Happy New Year text doesn't get through later on, I thought I'd just say Happy New Year, thumbs up" "cheers, same to you but with an added champagne bottle and party popper emoji thing yeah?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox...

Recycled Tree Card

£2.50

Recycled Tree Card "No Christmas tree this year?"  "Steve likes to wait until Boxing Day so we can get one out of the recycling area"

Gastric Band Christmas Card

£2.50

Gastric Band Christmas Card "what do you want for Christmas?" "I've set my heart on having my gastric band loosened up"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Data Analyst Notebook

£4.99

Introducing the NEW range of Modern Toss Notebooks perfect for pretending to take notes at work, during class or in any awkward situation. Delivered across 64 crisp-white feint lined pages in a modern A6 format. Data Analyst Notebook "this spreadsheet of yours doesn't make any sense" "yeah it's bollocks innit"

Chill Out Yeah Notebook

£4.99

Introducing the NEW range of Modern Toss Notebooks perfect for pretending to take notes at work, during class or in any awkward situation. Delivered across 64 crisp-white feint lined pages in a modern A6 format. Chill Out Yeah Notebook "how much is your meditation course?" "80 quid" "well that's fucking wound me right up for a start"

Ideas Meeting Notebook

£4.99

Introducing the NEW range of Modern Toss Notebooks perfect for pretending to take notes at work, during class or in any awkward situation. Delivered across 64 crisp-white feint lined pages in a modern A6 format. Ideas Meeting Notebook "don't think about it just say it" "fuck you"

Early Retirement Notebook

£4.99

Introducing the NEW range of Modern Toss Notebooks perfect for pretending to take notes at work, during class or in any awkward situation. Delivered across 64 crisp-white feint lined pages in a modern A6 format. Early Retirement "I'm thinking of taking an early retirement" "how early?" "about 2.30"

Work Team Player Notebook

£4.99

Introducing the NEW range of Modern Toss Notebooks perfect for pretending to take notes at work, during class or in any awkward situation. Delivered across 64 crisp-white feint lined pages in a modern A6 format. Work Team Player Notebook "hi sorry I'm late, I couldn't be fucked to get here any quicker"

Working Day Lie Down Notebook

£4.99

Introducing the NEW range of Modern Toss Notebooks perfect for pretending to take notes at work, during class or in any awkward situation. Delivered across 64 crisp-white feint lined pages in a modern A6 format. Working Day Lie Down Notebook "When I get in from work, I like to have a drink and a lie down."

Partridge in a Swear Tree Sweatshirt

£26.00

Partridge in a Swear Tree Christmas Sweatshirt You asked for it, you've got it! Brand new Christmas apparel to spread the festive Toss cheer.  Each T-Shirt is printed to demand and can take up to 5 working days, or longer during busier periods!  PRICE INCLUDES FREE UK SHIPPING - NEXT DAY DELIVERY NOT AVAILABLE  The cut off for Christmas orders is midday...

Drive-by Abuser Christmas Hoodie

£29.99

Drive-by Abuser Christmas Hoodie You asked for it, you've got it! Brand new Christmas apparel to spread Toss festive cheer.  Available in FIVE different colours: Grey, Light Green, Dark Green, Red and Navy. PRICE INCLUDES FREE UK SHIPPING - NEXT DAY DELIVERY NOT AVAILABLE Each T-Shirt is printed to demand and can take up to 5 working days, or longer during...

Drive-by Abuser Christmas Sweatshirt

£26.00

Drive-by Abuser Christmas Sweatshirt You asked for it, you've got it! Brand new Christmas apparel to spread the festive Toss cheer.  Each T-Shirt is printed to demand and can take up to 5 working days, or longer during busier periods!  PRICE INCLUDES FREE UK SHIPPING - NEXT DAY DELIVERY NOT AVAILABLE The cut off for Christmas orders is midday Friday 11th December. ...

Partridge in a Swear Tree T-Shirt

£22.00

Partridge in a Swear Tree Christmas T-Shirt You asked for it, you've got it! Brand new Christmas t-shirt to spread the festive Toss cheer.  Each T-Shirt is printed to demand and can take up to 5 working days, or longer during busier periods!  PRICE INCLUDES FREE UK SHIPPING - NEXT DAY DELIVERY NOT AVAILABLE The cut off for Christmas orders is midday Friday...

Seasonal Bollocks Hoodie

£29.99

Seasonal Bollocks Christmas Hoodie You asked for it, you've got it! Brand new Christmas apparel to spread Toss festive cheer.  Available in FIVE different colours: Grey, Light Green, Dark Green, Red and Navy. Each T-Shirt is printed to demand and can take up to 5 working days, or longer during busier periods!  PRICE INCLUDES FREE UK SHIPPING - NEXT DAY DELIVERY NOT...

Seasonal Bollocks Sweatshirt

£26.00

Seasonal Bollocks Christmas Sweatshirt You asked for it, you've got it! Brand new Christmas apparel to spread the festive Toss cheer.  Each T-Shirt is printed to demand and can take up to 5 working days, or longer during busier periods!  PRICE INCLUDES FREE UK SHIPPING - NEXT DAY DELIVERY NOT AVAILABLE The cut off for Christmas orders is midday Friday 11th...

SIGNED Drive By Book

£9.99

NEW SIGNED! Hardback Collection of Drive By Abuser Poetry, happily tackling any subject in the world and making some sense of it. Alright? Thumbing through a book yeah? Admiring its epic sweep? Must be a classic. I should know, I fucking wrote it.