Generation Arsehole GCSE Card


"I normally home tutor for maths GCSE" "we just want you to train home not to piss all round the toilet seat"

Company Calendar Card


"what's all these photos of you naked?" "just letting you know what I've got if you need to do a company calendar"

Hacked Bank Account Card


"what makes you think your account has been hacked?" "'cos there's some money in it?"

Sign Up Don't Turn Up Card


"Do you do a 'Sign Up, Don't Turn Up' Package?"

Monday Morning Wine Card


"excuse me, what wine would you recommend for a monday morning?"

Customer Services Piss Myself Card


"this drink I bought off you, made me piss myself"

Health Monitor Card


"how you getting on with your health monitor wristband?" "yeah, I've found I'm getting much better results since I stuck it on the dog"

Honest Relationship Card


"does my stomach look big in this?" "yeah"

Last Orders Card


"As you can see they've retained a few original features, like Pete who used to drink here when it was a pub" "Where's the crisps?"

Pro Gamer Card


"I went outside earlier in the week, it's like you literally have no control over anything?"

Money Saving Expert Card


"I only use it to save a few quid buying my groceries back in the 70's"

Awkward Cunt Pastries Card


"do you want any cakes or pastries with that?" "if I wanted them I probably would have fucking asked for them"

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