Generation Arsehole GCSE Card

£2.25

"I normally home tutor for maths GCSE" "we just want you to train home not to piss all round the toilet seat"

Company Calendar Card

£2.25

"what's all these photos of you naked?" "just letting you know what I've got if you need to do a company calendar"

Hacked Bank Account Card

£2.25

"what makes you think your account has been hacked?" "'cos there's some money in it?"

Sign Up Don't Turn Up Card

£2.25

"Do you do a 'Sign Up, Don't Turn Up' Package?"

Monday Morning Wine Card

£2.25

"excuse me, what wine would you recommend for a monday morning?"

Customer Services Piss Myself Card

£2.25

"this drink I bought off you, made me piss myself"

Health Monitor Card

£2.25

"how you getting on with your health monitor wristband?" "yeah, I've found I'm getting much better results since I stuck it on the dog"

Honest Relationship Card

£2.25

"does my stomach look big in this?" "yeah"

Last Orders Card

£2.25

"As you can see they've retained a few original features, like Pete who used to drink here when it was a pub" "Where's the crisps?"

Pro Gamer Card

£2.25

"I went outside earlier in the week, it's like you literally have no control over anything?"

Money Saving Expert Card

£2.25

"I only use it to save a few quid buying my groceries back in the 70's"

Awkward Cunt Pastries Card

£2.25

"do you want any cakes or pastries with that?" "if I wanted them I probably would have fucking asked for them"

Fucking Arseholes Anonymous Card

£2.25

"hello my name's Peter and I'm a fucking arsehole"

Bollocks To This Card

£2.25

"it's definitely Peter, I recognise the handwriting"

Chill Out Yeah Card

£2.25

"how much is your meditation course?" "80 quid" "well that's fucking wound me right up for a start"

Awkward Cunt Card

£2.25

"can I help you sir?" "I don't fucking know, you tell me"

New Arrival Card

£2.25

''helloooo" "isn't it beautiful" "where's my fucking presents?"

High Street Coffee Card

£2.25

''Excuse me, is there anywhere round here I can't get a coffee?"

Motoring Speeding Card

£2.25

"I'm arresting you for speeding." "sorry mate me eyesight's fucked, I thought that sign said 'drive like a cunt"

Wine Box Card

£2.25

"when the kids moved out we turned the spare bedroom into a wine box, do you fancy a glass?"

Smells Like Money Card

£2.25

"I need to chill out, got anything that smells like money?"

Fucking Typical Card

£2.25

"I want a bank loan" "I'm going to have to take a few details down" "tell you what mate fucking swivel on it, no wonder the country's fucked"

Birthday Present Card

£2.25

"didn't I give this to you for Christmas?" "yeah I didn't like it, happy birthday"

Before and After Internet Card

£2.25

Just look how far we've come.

Village Cake Off Card

£2.25

"leave it Steve, so what if he reckons your sponge base was a bit on the moist side"

Spa You/Me Time Card

£2.25

'I want to book myself in for some 'me time'' "we only do 'you time' is that ok?'

Bodywork Losing Weight Card

£2.25

"I've lost quite a bit of weight worrying about not going to the gym"

Brow Bar Card

£2.25

"I've got a big meeting coming up, can you make me look like I'm really interested" If you pay extra you can get them tattooed on so that you permanently look like you're questioning your choices in life.

Weekend Test Pot Card

£2.25

"I fucking hate that colour" Welcome someone to their new home with?some harsh truths about how they'll be spending their weekends

Wedding Facebook Status Card

£2.25

"Do you take this man" "Hang on mate, I'm just updating me relationship status" That moment when modern technology makes you want to give up and live in a cave.

Borrow 20 Quid Card

£2.25

"Dad can I borrow 20 quid to get you a birthday present?" "How about I just keep the 20 quid?" "That works for me, happy birthday yeah!"

Book From Grandad Card

£2.25

"look, Grandad's bought you a book" "how d'you turn it on?"  

Fuck Ikea Card

£2.25

"let's go to Ikea" "fuck Ikea" Because going to a furniture store for a meal is just wrong.

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