Milestone Birthday Card

£2.50

"do you want to do anything for your milestone birthday coming up?" "no I fucking don't"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Generation Arsehole GCSE Card

£2.50

"I normally home tutor for maths GCSE" "we just want you to train home not to piss all round the toilet seat"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Company Calendar Card

£2.50

"what's all these photos of you naked?" "just letting you know what I've got if you need to do a company calendar"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Hacked Bank Account Card

£2.50

"what makes you think your account has been hacked?" "'cos there's some money in it?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Sign Up Don't Turn Up Card

£2.50

"Do you do a 'Sign Up, Don't Turn Up' Package?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Monday Morning Wine Card

£2.50

"excuse me, what wine would you recommend for a monday morning?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Customer Services Piss Myself Card

£2.50

"this drink I bought off you, made me piss myself"

Health Monitor Card

£2.50

"how you getting on with your health monitor wristband?" "yeah, I've found I'm getting much better results since I stuck it on the dog"

Honest Relationship Card

£2.50

"does my stomach look big in this?" "yeah"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Last Orders Card

£2.50

"As you can see they've retained a few original features, like Pete who used to drink here when it was a pub" "Where's the crisps?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Pro Gamer Card

£2.50

"I went outside earlier in the week, it's like you literally have no control over anything?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Money Saving Expert Card

£2.50

"I only use it to save a few quid buying my groceries back in the 70's"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Awkward Cunt Pastries Card

£2.50

"do you want any cakes or pastries with that?" "if I wanted them I probably would have fucking asked for them"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Fucking Arseholes Anonymous Card

£2.50

"hello my name's Peter and I'm a fucking arsehole"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Bollocks To This Card

£2.50

"it's definitely Peter, I recognise the handwriting"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Chill Out Yeah Card

£2.50

"how much is your meditation course?" "80 quid" "well that's fucking wound me right up for a start"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Invisible Arsehole Card

£2.50

"Your glass of red wine sir" "I'm over here you cunt"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Awkward Cunt Card

£2.50

"can I help you sir?" "I don't fucking know, you tell me"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

New Arrival Card

£2.50

''helloooo" "isn't it beautiful" "where's my fucking presents?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Dog Maxi Dress Card

£2.50

"I'm after matching outfits for a wedding, have you got a maxi dress for a sausage dog?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

High Street Coffee Card

£2.50

''Excuse me, is there anywhere round here I can't get a coffee?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Motoring Speeding Card

£2.50

"I'm arresting you for speeding." "sorry mate me eyesight's fucked, I thought that sign said 'drive like a cunt"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Wine Box Card

£2.50

"when the kids moved out we turned the spare bedroom into a wine box, do you fancy a glass?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Smells Like Money Card

£2.50

"I need to chill out, got anything that smells like money?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Fucking Typical Card

£2.50

"I want a bank loan" "I'm going to have to take a few details down" "tell you what mate fucking swivel on it, no wonder the country's fucked"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Birthday Present Card

£2.50

"didn't I give this to you for Christmas?" "yeah I didn't like it, happy birthday"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Before and After Internet Card

£2.50

Just look how far we've come.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Village Cake Off Card

£2.50

"leave it Steve, so what if he reckons your sponge base was a bit on the moist side"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Spa You/Me Time Card

£2.50

'I want to book myself in for some 'me time'' "we only do 'you time' is that ok?'   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Bodywork Losing Weight Card

£2.50

"I've lost quite a bit of weight worrying about not going to the gym"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Brow Bar Card

£2.50

"I've got a big meeting coming up, can you make me look like I'm really interested" If you pay extra you can get them tattooed on so that you permanently look like you're questioning your choices in life.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to...

Weekend Test Pot Card

£2.50

"I fucking hate that colour" Welcome someone to their new home with?some harsh truths about how they'll be spending their weekends   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Wedding Facebook Status Card

£2.50

"Do you take this man" "Hang on mate, I'm just updating me relationship status" That moment when modern technology makes you want to give up and live in a cave.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Book is Shit Card

£2.50

"This book I bought off you is fucking shit" The Modern Toss customer services department is highly trained to deal with complaints of this nature.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Borrow 20 Quid Card

£2.50

"Dad can I borrow 20 quid to get you a birthday present?" "How about I just keep the 20 quid?" "That works for me, happy birthday yeah!"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Book From Grandad Card

£2.50

"look, Grandad's bought you a book" "how d'you turn it on?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self. 

Fuck Ikea Card

£2.50

"let's go to Ikea" "fuck Ikea" Because going to a furniture store for a meal is just wrong.

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