Seasonal Bollocks Card
Seasonal Bollocks to You
"hello, and what would you like for Christmas?""I dunno, you fucking work it out."
Christmas Argument Card"yeah all good here thanks, we've had the meal and we'rejust getting ready for the argument."
"we thought we'd try something a bit different this year.""is that a seagull?"
"this is the most up to date set, it comes with a replacement bus service"
"this is nice all sitting down for Christmas dinner""not if you talk all through this film, which I might add is shit"
"do you want to do anything for your milestone birthday coming up?"
"no I fucking don't"
"where are you going with Dad?""I don't care if he's got Alzheimer's no-one sticks their cock in the Turkey.""see you next year Grandad."
"that robin's in the garden again""have you tried throwing something at it?"
Seasonal Affective Disorder Mince Pie Christmas Card"next door want to know if we'd like to pop over for a mince pie""I've got a fucking mince pie"
Recycled Tree Card
"No Christmas tree this year?"
"Steve likes to wait until Boxing Day so we can get one out of the recycling area"
"do you want to come out for a Christmas Walk?""no I fucking don't."
"what d'you reckon?""yeah I like it.""It's not too tight around the arms is it?"
''look at this website showing a satellite image of where santa is currently delivering presents''''obviously fucking bullshit''
Cheese & Wine Decorations Christmas Card"All our Christmas cards are totally hand made this year.""I wondered why it all looked so fucking shit."This one is dedicated to Kirsty Allsopp.
"I've been doing the family tree and it turns out none of us are related.""Can we all go home then?"
Working Day too much? Have a drink and a lie down.
Christmas List Card
"would you like me to get you a calendar this year?"
"no I'm ok with this system thanks"
"Congratulations you've got the job""Cheers, I need a couple of weeks off in December, I've got a skiing holiday booked"
"It's from your sister, she wants to know if we'd be up for a Christmas present armistice?""Yeah send her one back, see if she's up for skipping the meal as well"
''everyone ok with me wearing my new Christmas underwear?''
"hi sorry I'm late, I couldn't be fucked to get here any quicker"
"d'you get any good presents?""yeah, me Aunty Jean got me a goat, but they delivered it to somewhere in Africa... Unbelievable."
Showing: 1-24 of 145