Tossary of Terms Book

£9.99

Welcome to Tossary of Terms, the first in an illustrated dictionary series produced by cult cartoonists Modern Toss. This book identifies and defines, with new words and phrases, a random pisspot of contemporary social phenomena which has so far gone unnamed.  The fast changing modern scene chucks up stuff faster than we can nail it down and label it. The...

Horse Piss Lager

£17.00

ONLINE EXCLUSIVE  Horse Piss Premium Pilsner Lager - 330ml - 4.2% vol - 1.4 UK Units Everyone likes beer and summer, yeah? So why not celebrate by cracking open a can of chilled Horse Piss straight from the cellar? Horse Piss is a refreshing, smooth, pale craft lager made using the best German malt, hops and yeast. Brewed in Sussex by award...

Ditch Scooper Pale Ale

£17.00

ONLINE EXCLUSIVE  Ditch Scooper Pale Ale - 330ml - 4.4% vol - 1.5 UK Units  Been digging a hole in the ground all day? Give yourself the ultimate reward by cracking open a can of chilled Ditch Scooper, a refreshing session amber pale ale with floral fruit and citrus notes. Brewed in Sussex by award winning Goldmark Craft Beers. Serve chilled...

Horse Piss & Ditch Scooper

£32.00

ONLINE EXCLUSIVE Horse Piss Premium Pilsner Lager - 330ml - 4.2% vol - 1.4 UK Units Everyone likes beer and summer, yeah? So why not celebrate by cracking open a can of chilled Horse Piss straight from the cellar? Horse Piss is a refreshing, smooth, pale craft lager made using the best German malt, hops and yeast. Ditch Scooper Pale Ale -...

Work Robot Card

£2.25

"I'm worried about the effects of new technology on my work prospects" "Don't panic, we offered your job to a robot and he didn't want it"

Work Impressive Reference Card

£2.25

"very impressive reference" "cheers, I wrote that"

Health Monitor Card

£2.25

"how you getting on with your health monitor wristband?" "yeah, I've found I'm getting much better results since I stuck it on the dog"

Work Team Player Card

£2.25

"hi sorry I'm late, I couldn't be fucked to get here any quicker"

Monday Morning Wine Card

£2.25

"excuse me, what wine would you recommend for a monday morning?"

Customer Services Piss Myself Card

£2.25

"this drink I bought off you, made me piss myself"

Sign Don't Turn Up Card

£2.25

"Do you do a 'Sign Up, Don't Turn Up' Package?"

Work Retox Clinic Card

£2.25

"I can't come back to work this week, I've had to book myself in the retox clinic"

Hacked Bank Account Card

£2.25

"what makes you think your account has been hacked?" "'cos there's some money in it?"

Bullshitters Refreshers Card

£2.25

"I see you took yesterday off for a 'bullshitter's refresher course" "yeah here's my expenses"

Company Calendar Card

£2.25

"what's all these photos of you naked?" "just letting you know what I've got if you need to do a company calendar"

Generation Arsehole GCSE Card

£2.25

"I normally home tutor for maths GCSE" "we just want you to train home not to piss all round the toilet seat"

Punctuation Can't be Fucked Card

£2.25

"People used to use me to partially obscure swearwords, but it seems like they can't be fucked anymore" "luck of the draw mate, I was long term unemployed until some bloke invented email"

Punctuation What Do You Do Card

£2.25

"And what do you do?" "Traditionally, I indicate an elaboration of something that were just before me, but since texting came along I've been doing a lot of work with the old end bracket here" "Yeah we've been run off our feet lately, people can't leave us alone"

Punctuation Apostrophe Business Card

£2.25

"How's the old apostrophe business?" "Yeah bit quiet. Had a false call out for a carrot sign last night. Greengrocer thought he needed a possessive, turned out he was after a straight plural."

Punctuation Speech Marks Card

£2.25

"Not often we get the chance to chat without a load of speech getting in the way" "Actually I'd be better be off, got a last minute job indicating an omitted character in a word somewhere"

Punctuation Paris Hat Card

£2.25

"I love your hat" "thanks, I picked it up in Paris"

Punctuation Legal Problems Card

£2.25

"Better be careful where we stand I dont want any legal problems"

Weekend Dog Cheese Card

£2.25

The opening of the fridge door alerts the dog to the presence of cheese.

Segway Bat Card

£2.25

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Taken from the Mindless Violence Colouring Book