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Toss Stickers

£9.99 £7.99

Welcome to our first ever pack of Toss stickers. Perfect for livening up boring old shit lying around your house or office.

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Modern Toss Comic - Issue 10

£6.99 £3.49

Comic 10: Shit for Brains Introducing the 10th comic from Modern Toss - a brand new 64-page collection of single panel jokes covering a range of topics from retail to relationships and featuring classic cartoons from all the favourites: Work, Cheese & Wine and Awkward Cunt. Plus brand new hilarity from Liberty Taker, Legal Longshots, and Pete Peters.     ...

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Modern Toss Comic - Issue 8

£5.99 £2.99

Comic 8 - Route One Bollocks ‘Route One Bollocks’ is the eighth Modern Toss comic, with a classic Neapolitan ice cream colour scheme. Really gets your tastebuds pinging about. Sixty-four pages of stripped down, single panel, laugh out loud cartoons. Includes new classics from Drive-by Abuser, Work, Cheese & Wine and debut strips from Casual Labour, Priority Pervert and Legal Highz.

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Modern Toss Comic - Issue 7

£5.99 £2.99

Modern Toss Comic - Issue 7 The seventh comic in a highly irregular series banged out by cult cartoon swear masters Modern Toss. Featuring all your favourites in it, including pathological party chit chat from Cheese & Wine, Mr. T's unique take on cupcake entrepreneurs, and demented scamp Alan who, this time round, empties an improvised shitpipe on an arts festival....

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Modern Toss Comic - Issue 6

£5.99 £2.99

Comic 6 - Le Travail C'est la Merde Modern Toss Issue 6 - the comic equivalent of poking modern life with a sharp stick. This paperback collection features Modern Toss classics such as Fly Talk and Alan, along with previously unseen strips like Experimental Greetings Cards.

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Visualize Your Goal Screen Print

£150.00 £112.50

Visualize Your Goal SilkScreen Print Why not? Retro print from Lazarides Gallery London 2010. Edition of 50. Signed, stamped and numbered print. Measurements:  50cm x 70cm

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Interview Screen Print

£55.00 £41.25

Interview Silk Screen Print  Retro print from Lazarides Gallery London 2010. Edition of 100. Signed, stamped and numbered print. Measurements:  297 x 395 mm "ahh now I see from your CV you've got tap dancing down as a hobby" "yeah that's actually lap dancing, I can't type for shit"

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Water Cooler Moment Print

£55.00 £41.25

Water Cooler Moment Silk Screen Print Retro print from Lazarides Gallery London 2010. Edition of 100. Signed, stamped and numbered by the artist. Measurements:  297 x 395 mm "good weekend?" "yeah I'm still off me fucking tits"

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Key Strategy Meeting Screen Print

£55.00 £41.25

Key Strategy Meeting Silk Screen Print Retro print from Lazarides Gallery London 2010. Edition of 100. Signed, stamped and numbered print. Measurements:  297 x 395 mm "first item- Peter would like to apologise for his absence, says he couldn't be fucked"

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Work Apprentice Screen Print

£55.00 £41.25

Work Apprentice Silk Screen Print Retro print from Lazarides Gallery London 2010. Edition of 100. Signed, stamped and numbered print. Measurements:  297 x 395 mm "I'm applying to go on The Apprentice next year, can you give me a reference confirming I'm capable of bollocksing up really basic tasks to a very high standard"

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Buy More Shit Gold Screen Print

£55.00 £41.25

Buy More Shit Gold Silkscreen Print Gold version from Lazarides Gallery London 2010. Signed and stamped print. Measurements: 297 x 395 mm Edition of 100.  

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The Weekend Colouring Book

£10.99 £7.99

The Weekend Colouring Book Express your end-of-week frustrations by colouring in images depicting the joys of Saturday supermarket shopping, botched DIY projects, attending children’s sports games, visiting the in-laws, buying a takeaway and going out on the lash - the perfect catharsis in preparation for the looming spectre of Monday morning The Weekend colouring book captures the pleasures, challenges, and ridiculousness of...

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The Working Day Colouring Book

£10.99 £7.99

The Working Day Colouring Book The Working Day colouring book captures the essence of the contemporary workplace while offering you the opportunity to express yourself through the relaxing medium of colouring in. Take some well-earned chill time and immerse yourself in the fractal complexity of a man flagging an important email, someone taking an afternoon Malteser break, a group of workers looking at meal deal options in...

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Can't Be Fucked Mug

£12.00 £7.50

Originally released as a screenprint in 2008, 'Punctuation Networking Event' is back in mug form! "People used to use me to partially obscure swearwords, but it seems like they can't be fucked any more." "Luck of the draw, mate. I was long-term unemployed until some bloke invented email."  BUY 2 PUNCTUATION MUGS FOR A TENNER! Comes in a gift box....

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Apostrophe Business Mug

£12.00 £7.50

Originally released as a screenprint in 2008, 'Punctuation Networking Event' is back in mug form! "How's the old apostrophe business?" "Yeah bit quiet. Had a false call out for a carrot sign last night. Greengrocer thought he needed a possessive, turned out he was after a straight plural."  BUY 2 PUNCTUATION MUGS FOR A TENNER! Comes in a gift box....

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Work Fuck Off Socks

£8.99 £5.99

The ultimate work sock, contains a powerful message which remains hidden underneath the bottom of trouser leg, unless you’re wearing shorts or a skirt.   Mens shoe size 7-11 80% Cotton 19% Polyamade 1% Elastane

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Periodic Table Socks

£8.99 £4.99

The Periodic Table of Swearing is an acknowledged 21st century design classic and now, thanks to advances in weaving technology, is available to wear on your feet as a pair of socks. Contains 14 handpicked swear elements beautifully knitted into this classic argyle style design. Mens shoe size 7-11 80% Cotton 19% Polyamade 1% Elastane

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Water Cooler Travel Wallet

£2.99 £1.50

"Good weekend?" "Yeah I'm still off my fucking tits" Nurse a Monday hangover on your commute with this handy travel wallet.  

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Successful Idea Travel Wallet

£2.99 £1.50

"Here's an idea, why don't we just do stuff that's going to be really massively successful?"  

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Drive By Christmas Tree Card

£2.50 £1.25

Drive-By Christmas Tree Card Introducing our new Drive By Abuser card collection... "Seasonal tree are you?"    You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Drive By Reindeer Card

£2.50 £1.25

Drive-By Reindeer Card Introducing our new Drive By Abuser card collection... "Alright! pack of reindeer yeah?"    You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Seasonal Cutbacks Presents Card

£2.50 £1.25

"I thought we were cutting back on presents this year?" "don't panic, I nicked this lot from next door"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Merry Christmas Holiday Card

£2.50 £1.25

"don't buy me anything expensive this year" "I wasn't going to, I'm going on holiday"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Christmas Cheer Wine Card

£2.50 £1.25

"the neighbours want to come round for a glass of wine" "tell 'em they can have the whole bottle if they stay where they are"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Christmas Experience Card

£2.50 £1.25

"we're not doing the whole christmas present thing this year, we're gifting experiences?" "yeah Steve's gifted me the experience of watching him scrape the turkey fat off the baking tray"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Spa Voucher Card

£2.50 £1.25

Spa Voucher Card "Someone bought me a spa treatment voucher for Christmas, can I spend it in your snack machine?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Dress for Dinner Card

£2.50 £1.25

Dress for Dinner Card "d'you reckon we should dress for dinner?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Carol Singer Card

£2.50 £1.25

Carol Singer Card "I sang a carol earlier when you were out so I just popped back to pick up me cash"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Card Pack Card

£2.50 £1.25

Card Pack Card "didn't you give us this card last year?" "yeah I bought a pack of 20"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Santa Foot Lock Card

£2.50 £1.25

Santa Foot Lock Card The spirit of Christmas.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Turkey Saw Up Card

£2.50 £1.25

Turkey Saw Up Card May the spirit of Christmas fill your home.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Gastric Band Christmas Card

£2.50 £1.25

Gastric Band Christmas Card "what do you want for Christmas?" "I've set my heart on having my gastric band loosened up"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Festive Footprint Card

£2.50 £1.25

Festive Footprint Christmas Card "are these trees from an organically sustainable source?" "why what you going to do, fucking eat it or something?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Festive Grid Drain Card

£2.50 £1.25

"would you mind turning it down a bit, it's affecting my wife's dialysis machine." "perhaps you'd like to explain that to my little kiddie."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Seasonal Bollocks Card

£2.50 £1.25

Seasonal Bollocks Card Seasonal Bollocks to You   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Christmas List Card

£2.50 £1.25

Christmas List Card "would you like me to get you a calendar this year?" "no I'm ok with this system thanks"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Tree Stylist Card

£2.50 £1.25

Tree Stylist Card "I'm really not sure about it" "Hi, yeah I need a number for a 24 hour tree stylist"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Recycled Tree Card

£2.50 £1.25

Recycled Tree Card "No Christmas tree this year?"  "Steve likes to wait until Boxing Day so we can get one out of the recycling area"

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New Year Emoji Card

£2.50 £1.25

New Year Emoji Card "In case my Happy New Year text doesn't get through later on, I thought I'd just say Happy New Year, thumbs up" "cheers, same to you but with an added champagne bottle and party popper emoji thing yeah?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox...

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Christmas Dinner Card

£2.50 £1.25

"this is nice all sitting down for Christmas dinner" "not if you talk all through this film, which I might add is shit"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Seasonal Zoom Call Card

£2.50 £1.25

"who the fuck are this lot?" "hello Grandad"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Replacement Bus Card

£2.50 £1.25

"this is the most up to date set, it comes with a replacement bus service"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Santa's Grotto Christmas Card

£2.50 £1.25

"hello, and what would you like for Christmas?" "I dunno, you fucking work it out."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Santa Skiing Holiday Card

£2.50 £1.25

"Congratulations you've got the job" "Cheers, I need a couple of weeks off in December, I've got a skiing holiday booked"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Seasonal Cutbacks Tree

£2.50 £1.25

"We're cutting back a bit this year, Steve's offered to be the tree"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Christmas Game Card

£2.50 £1.25

''one word...'' ''bollocks''   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Santa Website Card

£2.50 £1.25

''look at this website showing a satellite image of where santa is currently delivering presents'' ''obviously fucking bullshit''   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Good Christmas Card

£2.50 £1.25

''good christmas?'' ''yeah, just sat in front of the telly eating crisps all day''   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Christmas Jumper Card

£2.50 £1.25

"what d'you reckon?" "yeah I like it." "It's not too tight around the arms is it?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Family Tree Card

£2.50 £1.25

"I've been doing the family tree and it turns out none of us are related." "Can we all go home then?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Seasonal Cutbacks Kids Card

£2.50 £1.25

"Sorry kids the figures just aren't stacking up, we're going to have to make a couple of you redundant."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Seasonal Yesteryear Card

£2.50 £1.25

"Hold these while I have a piss over that drain."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Christmas Argument Card

£2.50 £1.25

Christmas Argument Card "yeah all good here thanks, we've had the meal and we're just getting ready for the argument."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Cheese & Wine Decorations Card

£2.50 £1.25

Cheese & Wine Decorations Christmas Card "All our Christmas cards are totally hand made this year." "I wondered why it all looked so fucking shit." This one is dedicated to Kirsty Allsopp.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your...

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Recipe Book Card

£2.50 £1.25

"oh thanks a TV chef recipe book." "yeah sorry I couldn't think what the fuck to get you."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Seagull Cutbacks Card

£2.50 £1.25

"we thought we'd try something a bit different this year." "is that a seagull?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Moody Cunt Christmas Card

£2.50 £1.25

'Happy Christmas You Moody Cunt'   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Cheese & Wine Pills Card

£2.50 £1.25

"I see you've got a Christmas card." "yes it's from the company who supply my hard on pills."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Cheese & Wine Goose Card

£2.50 £1.25

"I hear Peter's having goose for Christmas." "Peter's a fucking ponce."

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Swear Tree Card

£2.50 £1.25

A Partridge in a Swear Tree Christmas Card Includes a word-search for the kids.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a printed handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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SAD Mince Pie Card

£2.50 £1.25

Seasonal Affective Disorder Mince Pie Christmas Card "next door want to know if we'd like to pop over for a mince pie" "I've got a fucking mince pie"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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SAD Christmas Walk Card

£2.50 £1.25

"do you want to come out for a Christmas Walk?" "no I fucking don't."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Goat Present Card

£2.50 £1.25

"d'you get any good presents?" "yeah, me Aunty Jean got me a goat, but they delivered it to somewhere in Africa... Unbelievable."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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Alan Horse Piss T-Shirt

£25.00 £17.50

Alan Horse Piss T-Shirt This classic horse based design has been shit-tweaked to perfectly compliment our stunning Horse Piss Beer cans. Available in Small (50cm), Medium (53cm), Large (56cm) and Extra Large (60cm) 100% Cotton. Made in UK with Continental Clothing t-shirts.

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2001 Space Argument T-Shirt

£25.00 £17.50

2001: A Space Argument T-Shirt “Does that look like the fucking moon?” “It’s a bit hot, can you turn the fan on?”    Available in Small (50cm), Medium (53cm), Large (56cm), Extra Large (60cm). 100% Cotton. Made in UK with Continental Clothing t-shirts.

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Smoking Aerobics Card

£2.25 £1.00

"That high intensity speed aerobics class you're advertising, is it smoking or non-smoking?"

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What Are You? Card

£2.25 £1.00

"What are you, some sort of cunt?" (T'es qui toi, une sorte de con?)

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Webcam Card

£2.25 £1.00

"We're exploring new business opportunities. Carry on with the accounts but every time that red light comes on slip your top off

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Weekend Parents on Landline Card

£2.25 £1.00

One of our parents is trying to call us on the landline. Anyone going to answer?

Multi-tasking Card

£1.25

"What are you like at multi-tasking? "Pretty good. I often read the paper while I'm having a shit."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.