Seasonal Bollocks Card
Seasonal Bollocks to You
Christmas List Card
"would you like me to get you a calendar this year?"
"no I'm ok with this system thanks"
Tree Stylist Card
"I'm really not sure about it"
"Hi, yeah I need a number for a 24 hour tree stylist"
Recycled Tree Card
"No Christmas tree this year?"
"Steve likes to wait until Boxing Day so we can get one out of the recycling area"
New Year Emoji Card
"In case my Happy New Year text doesn't get through later on, I thought I'd just say Happy New Year, thumbs up"
"cheers, same to you but with an added champagne bottle and party popper emoji thing yeah?"
Christmas Argument Card"yeah all good here thanks, we've had the meal and we'rejust getting ready for the argument."
"this is nice all sitting down for Christmas dinner""not if you talk all through this film, which I might add is shit"
Festive Footprint Christmas Card
"are these trees from an organically sustainable source?"
"why what you going to do, fucking eat it or something?"
"this is the most up to date set, it comes with a replacement bus service"
"hello, and what would you like for Christmas?""I dunno, you fucking work it out."
"that robin's in the garden again""have you tried throwing something at it?"
"Congratulations you've got the job""Cheers, I need a couple of weeks off in December, I've got a skiing holiday booked"
"Not taking your coat off Dave?""He only agreed to come because he thought you'd have the heating on"
"Merry Christmas mate, here's a video of me trying on all your wife's new underwear"
"We're cutting back a bit this year, Steve's offered to be the tree"
"It's from your sister, she wants to know if we'd be up for a Christmas present armistice?""Yeah send her one back, see if she's up for skipping the meal as well"
''look at this website showing a satellite image of where santa is currently delivering presents''''obviously fucking bullshit''
''everyone ok with me wearing my new Christmas underwear?''
''I've had to cut back a bit this year, normally I turn them on in September''
''good christmas?''''yeah, just sat in front of the telly eating crisps all day''
"what d'you reckon?""yeah I like it.""It's not too tight around the arms is it?"
"I've been doing the family tree and it turns out none of us are related.""Can we all go home then?"
"Sorry kids the figures just aren't stacking up, we're going to have to make a couple of you redundant."
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