Working Day Jacket Card

£2.25

Before lunch I leave my jacket on my chair, so if I decide not to come back people think I'm still around somewhere.

Weekend TV Controls Card

£2.25

Too fucked to get the TV controls? So you're just going to have to sit through this Sunday night costume drama then! Also works with Poldark.

Working Day Walk Around Card

£2.25

I look permanently busy if I walk around holding a pen and a bit of paper.

Weekend National Trust Walk Card

£2.25

I am on a recommended National Trust public walk, I see someone has hung a bag of dog shit from a tree.

Sale!

Weekend Parents on Landline Card

£2.25 £1.00

One of our parents is trying to call us on the landline. Anyone going to answer?

Honest Relationship Card

£2.25

"does my stomach look big in this?" "yeah"

Pro Gamer Card

£2.25

"I went outside earlier in the week, it's like you literally have no control over anything?"

Last Orders Card

£2.25

"As you can see they've retained a few original features, like Pete who used to drink here when it was a pub" "Where's the crisps?"

Awkward Cunt Pastries Card

£2.25

"do you want any cakes or pastries with that?" "if I wanted them I probably would have fucking asked for them"

Work Amazing Figures Card

£2.25

"these end of year figures are amazing" "yeah cheers, I fiddled around with them 'til they were bigger than last year's"

Pensions Accumulator Card

£2.25

"We don't currently have a pension scheme, but you're welcome to join in the office 7 horse accumulator" "I don't want to rush you but the first race is at 2.45"  

Bollocks To This Card

£2.25

"it's definitely Peter, I recognise the handwriting"

High Street Coffee Card

£2.25

''Excuse me, is there anywhere round here I can't get a coffee?"

Milestone Birthday Card

£2.25

"do you want to do anything for your milestone birthday coming up?" "no I fucking don't"

Chill Out Yeah Card

£2.25

"how much is your meditation course?" "80 quid" "well that's fucking wound me right up for a start"

New Arrival Card

£2.25

''helloooo" "isn't it beautiful" "where's my fucking presents?"

Work Biscuits Card

£2.25

"right Steve, come on what are you bringing to the table?" "I brought the biscuits?"

Bodywork Losing Weight Card

£2.25

"I've lost quite a bit of weight worrying about not going to the gym"

Awkward Cunt Card

£2.25

"can I help you sir?" "I don't fucking know, you tell me"

Stick It Up Your Arse Card

£2.25

"in an ideal world I'd tell you to stick this job up your arse"

Fucking Arseholes Anonymous Card

£2.25

"hello my name's Peter and I'm a fucking arsehole"

Work Dress Code Card

£2.25

"We don't have a dress code as such, but I would appreciate it if you could tone it down a bit"  

Village Cake Off Card

£2.25

"leave it Steve, so what if he reckons your sponge base was a bit on the moist side"

Money Saving Expert Card

£2.25

"I only use it to save a few quid buying my groceries back in the 70's"