Work Bi-Lingual Card

£2.25

"I see from your CV that you're bilingual" "yeah English and Emoji"

Wine Box Card

£2.25

"when the kids moved out we turned the spare bedroom into a wine box, do you fancy a glass?"

Smells Like Money Card

£2.25

"I need to chill out, got anything that smells like money?"

Fucking Typical Card

£2.25

"I want a bank loan" "I'm going to have to take a few details down" "tell you what mate fucking swivel on it, no wonder the country's fucked"

Birthday Present Card

£2.25

"didn't I give this to you for Christmas?" "yeah I didn't like it, happy birthday"

Work at the Weekend Card

£2.25

"Can you come in at the weekend?" "̏'ll come in but I'm not fucking doing anything"

Real Ale Card

£2.25

"have you tried this real ale from Stephen's micro brewery?" "smells like someone scooped it out of a ditch"

Motoring Speeding Card

£2.25

"I'm arresting you for speeding." "sorry mate me eyesight's fucked, I thought that sign said 'drive like a cunt"

Headphones Meeting Card

£2.25

"So there you have it, any questions?" "Run through that again will you, I had my headphones on"

Data Analyst Card

£2.25

"this spreadsheet of yours doesn't appear to make any sense" "yeah it's bollocks innit"  

Key Strategy Meeting Card

£2.25

"first item, Peter would like to apologise for his absence, says he couldn't be fucked" Hone your business marketing plan with this inspiring card. Or not, if you can't really be arsed. Either is good.

Work Shit Meself Card

£2.25

"If I shit meself can I go home?"

Before and After Internet Card

£2.25

Just look how far we've come.

Bodywork You/Me Time Card

£2.25

'I want to book myself in for some 'me time'' "we only do 'you time' is that ok?'

Bodywork Brow Bar Card

£2.25

"I've got a big meeting coming up, can you make me look like I'm really interested" If you pay extra you can get them tattooed on so that you permanently look like you're questioning your choices in life.

Work From Home Card

£2.25

"we've decided we'd like you to work from home, preferably for someone else"  

Weekend Test Pot Card

£2.25

"I fucking hate that colour" Welcome someone to their new home with?some harsh truths about how they'll be spending their weekends

Wedding Facebook Card

£2.25

"Do you take this man" "Hang on mate, I'm just updating me relationship status" That moment when modern technology makes you want to give up and live in a cave.

Borrow 20 Quid Card

£2.25

"Dad can I borrow 20 quid to get you a birthday present?" "How about I just keep the 20 quid?" "That works for me, happy birthday yeah!"

Book From Grandad Card

£2.25

"look, Grandad's bought you a book" "how d'you turn it on?"  

Birthday Day Off Card

£2.25

"I see you've applied for a day off on your birthday" "yeah, imagine being stuck in this shithole on your birthday" An apt birthday card for a colleague, employee, boss, or anyone who's used up all their holiday time and are feeling sorry for themselves.  

Cambridge Card

£2.25

"and I see here you went to Cambridge" "yeah I had to drop something off for someone.I was back by half six" Perfect your interview technique with this Desperate Business greetings card.    

One Bar Signal Card

£2.25

"Congratulations you've got the job!" "I dunno if I can work here, I'm only getting one bar on me phone"   Priorities, innit?

Early Retirement Card

£2.25

"I'm thinking of taking early retirement" "how early?" "about 2.30"