Stick It Up Your Arse Card

£2.25

"in an ideal world I'd tell you to stick this job up your arse"

Bodywork Losing Weight Card

£2.25

"I've lost quite a bit of weight worrying about not going to the gym"

Awkward Cunt Card

£2.25

"can I help you sir?" "I don't fucking know, you tell me"

Cheese & Wine Hug Card

£2.25

"bloody hell Gerry he was only trying to give you a hug." "I thought he was coming at me so I decked him."

New Arrival Card

£2.25

''helloooo" "isn't it beautiful" "where's my fucking presents?"

High Street Coffee Card

£2.25

''Excuse me, is there anywhere round here I can't get a coffee?"

Work Dress Code Card

£2.25

"We don't have a dress code as such, but I would appreciate it if you could tone it down a bit"  

Pensions Accumulator Card

£2.25

"We don't currently have a pension scheme, but you're welcome to join in the office 7 horse accumulator" "I don't want to rush you but the first race is at 2.45"  

Work Bi-Lingual Card

£2.25

"I see from your CV that you're bilingual" "yeah English and Emoji"

Wine Box Card

£2.25

"when the kids moved out we turned the spare bedroom into a wine box, do you fancy a glass?"

Twitter Symptoms Card

£2.25

"yeah I don't know what's wrong with you, but if you like I can bang your symptoms out on Twitter and see what we get back"

Smells Like Money Card

£2.25

"I need to chill out, got anything that smells like money?"

Fucking Typical Card

£2.25

"I want a bank loan" "I'm going to have to take a few details down" "tell you what mate fucking swivel on it, no wonder the country's fucked"

Birthday Present Card

£2.25

"didn't I give this to you for Christmas?" "yeah I didn't like it, happy birthday"

Village Cake Off Card

£2.25

"leave it Steve, so what if he reckons your sponge base was a bit on the moist side"

Real Ale Card

£2.25

"have you tried this real ale from Stephen's micro brewery?" "smells like someone scooped it out of a ditch"

Motoring Speeding Card

£2.25

"I'm arresting you for speeding." "sorry mate me eyesight's fucked, I thought that sign said 'drive like a cunt"

Work From Home Card

£2.25

"we've decided we'd like you to work from home, preferably for someone else"  

Headphones Meeting Card

£2.25

"So there you have it, any questions?" "Run through that again will you, I had my headphones on"

Data Analyst Card

£2.25

"this spreadsheet of yours doesn't appear to make any sense" "yeah it's bollocks innit"  

Work at the Weekend Card

£2.25

"Can you come in at the weekend?" "̏'ll come in but I'm not fucking doing anything"

Key Strategy Meeting Card

£2.25

"first item, Peter would like to apologise for his absence, says he couldn't be fucked" Hone your business marketing plan with this inspiring card. Or not, if you can't really be arsed. Either is good.

Before and After Internet Card

£2.25

Just look how far we've come.

Work Shit Meself Card

£2.25

"If I shit meself can I go home?"