"in an ideal world I'd tell you to stick this job up your arse"
"I've lost quite a bit of weight worrying about not going to the gym"
"can I help you sir?"
"I don't fucking know, you tell me"
"bloody hell Gerry he was only trying to give you a hug."
"I thought he was coming at me so I decked him."
"isn't it beautiful"
"where's my fucking presents?"
''Excuse me, is there anywhere round here I can't get a coffee?"
"We don't have a dress code as such, but I would appreciate it if you could tone it down a bit"
"We don't currently have a pension scheme, but you're welcome to join in the office 7 horse accumulator"
"I don't want to rush you but the first race is at 2.45"
"I see from your CV that you're bilingual"
"yeah English and Emoji"
"when the kids moved out we turned the spare bedroom into a wine box, do you fancy a glass?"
"yeah I don't know what's wrong with you, but if you like I can bang your symptoms out on Twitter and see what we get back"
"I need to chill out, got anything that smells like money?"
"I want a bank loan"
"I'm going to have to take a few details down"
"tell you what mate fucking swivel on it, no wonder the country's fucked"
"didn't I give this to you for Christmas?"
"yeah I didn't like it, happy birthday"
"leave it Steve, so what if he reckons your sponge base was a bit on the moist side"
"have you tried this real ale from Stephen's micro brewery?"
"smells like someone scooped it out of a ditch"
"I'm arresting you for speeding."
"sorry mate me eyesight's fucked, I thought that sign said 'drive like a cunt"
"we've decided we'd like you to work from home, preferably for someone else"
"So there you have it, any questions?"
"Run through that again will you, I had my headphones on"
"this spreadsheet of yours doesn't appear to make any sense"
"yeah it's bollocks innit"
"Can you come in at the weekend?"
"̏'ll come in but I'm not fucking doing anything"
"first item, Peter would like to apologise for his absence, says he couldn't be fucked"
Hone your business marketing plan with this inspiring card. Or not, if you can't really be arsed. Either is good.
Just look how far we've come.
"If I shit meself can I go home?"
Showing: 25-48 of 180