Family Tree Card

£2.50

"I've been doing the family tree and it turns out none of us are related." "Can we all go home then?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Festive Footprint Card

£2.50

Festive Footprint Christmas Card "are these trees from an organically sustainable source?" "why what you going to do, fucking eat it or something?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Spa Voucher Card

£2.50

Spa Voucher Card "Someone bought me a spa treatment voucher for Christmas, can I spend it in your snack machine?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Christmas List Card

£2.50

Christmas List Card "would you like me to get you a calendar this year?" "no I'm ok with this system thanks"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Festive Grid Drain Card

£2.50

"would you mind turning it down a bit, it's affecting my wife's dialysis machine." "perhaps you'd like to explain that to my little kiddie."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Santa Skiing Holiday Card

£2.50

"Congratulations you've got the job" "Cheers, I need a couple of weeks off in December, I've got a skiing holiday booked"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Seasonal Yesteryear Card

£2.50

"Hold these while I have a piss over that drain."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Cheese & Wine Goose Card

£2.50

"I hear Peter's having goose for Christmas." "Peter's a fucking ponce."

Good Christmas Card

£2.50

''good christmas?'' ''yeah, just sat in front of the telly eating crisps all day''   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Seasonal Cutbacks Kids Card

£2.50

"Sorry kids the figures just aren't stacking up, we're going to have to make a couple of you redundant."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

New Year Emoji Card

£2.50

New Year Emoji Card "In case my Happy New Year text doesn't get through later on, I thought I'd just say Happy New Year, thumbs up" "cheers, same to you but with an added champagne bottle and party popper emoji thing yeah?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox...

Moody Cunt Christmas Card

£2.50

'Happy Christmas You Moody Cunt'   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Santa Foot Lock Card

£2.50

Santa Foot Lock Card The spirit of Christmas.   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Seasonal Cutbacks Tree

£2.50

"We're cutting back a bit this year, Steve's offered to be the tree"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Perfume Buyer Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Perfume Buyer Card "I'm after some perfume but I don't know what it's called, it's the one with an advert where a bloke kicks a wall down and tells some people to go away, then I'm pretty sure he rides off on a horse while a woman has an argument with an eagle in French and...

Tree Stylist Card

£2.50

Tree Stylist Card "I'm really not sure about it" "Hi, yeah I need a number for a 24 hour tree stylist"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Dress for Dinner Card

£2.50

Dress for Dinner Card "d'you reckon we should dress for dinner?"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Christmas Experience Card

£2.50

"we're not doing the whole christmas present thing this year, we're gifting experiences?" "yeah Steve's gifted me the experience of watching him scrape the turkey fat off the baking tray"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive-By Reindeer Card

£2.50

Drive-By Reindeer Card Introducing our new Drive-By Abuser card collection... "Alright! pack of reindeer yeah?"    You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Recipe Book Card

£2.50

"oh thanks a TV chef recipe book." "yeah sorry I couldn't think what the fuck to get you."   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Seasonal Cutbacks Presents Card

£2.50

"I thought we were cutting back on presents this year?" "don't panic, I nicked this lot from next door"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Drive-By Christmas Tree Card

£2.50

Drive-By Christmas Tree Card Introducing our new Drive By Abuser card collection... "Seasonal tree are you?"    You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Merry Christmas Holiday Card

£2.50

"don't buy me anything expensive this year" "I wasn't going to, I'm going on holiday"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Gastric Band Christmas Card

£2.50

Gastric Band Christmas Card "what do you want for Christmas?" "I've set my heart on having my gastric band loosened up"   You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

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