Cards

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Cup of Tea Card

£2.50

Introducing the latest edition of Modern Toss cards... Cup of Tea Card "Anyone want a cup of tea?" "Not if you're fucking making it" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Bollocks To This Card

£2.50

Chill Out Yeah Card

£2.50

"how much is your meditation course?" "80 quid" "well that's fucking wound me right up for a start" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Bodywork Losing Weight Card

£2.50

Awkward Cunt Card

£2.50

Sale!

Cheese & Wine Hug Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"bloody hell Gerry he was only trying to give you a hug." "I thought he was coming at me so I decked him." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Birthday Present Card

£2.50

"didn't I give this to you for Christmas?" "yeah I didn't like it, happy birthday" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Data Analyst Card

£2.50

"this spreadsheet of yours doesn't appear to make any sense" "yeah it's bollocks innit" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Before and After Internet Card

£2.50

Brow Bar Card

£2.50

"I've got a big meeting coming up, can you make me look like I'm really interested" If you pay extra you can get them tattooed on so that you permanently look like you're questioning your choices in life. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to...

Sale!

Book is Shit Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

"This book I bought off you is fucking shit" The Modern Toss customer services department is highly trained to deal with complaints of this nature. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Book From Grandad Card

£2.50

Sale!

Afternoon Tweet Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

"I see from your afternoon tweet that you're bored as fucking arseholes" "yeah cheers, I didn't know you were following me" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Sale!

Bang out Texts Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.25

"Yeah, carry on talking mate, I've just got to bang out a couple of texts" Good luck with that interview yeah? See you down the job centre. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Dog at Work Card

£2.50

"you can't bring a dog into work" "er hello? He's not actually working"" Fair point really. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Cup Cake Mallet Card

£2.50

Awkward Cunt Pastries Card

£2.50

"do you want any cakes or pastries with that?" "if I wanted them I probably would have fucking asked for them" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Do What You Want Card

£2.50

"It's Your Special Day - Do What You Fucking Want With it Yeah" A Stroller greetings card that captures the true spirit of celebration days: watching TV and doing fuck-all. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Beer In Bed Card

£2.50

"On Your Special Day" Celebrate someone's birthday by bringing them a beer in bed. And this Stroller card. Sorted. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Customer Feedback Card

£2.50

"great to get all this feedback off our new customer forum" "yeah I had no idea we were such a shit company" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Borrow 20 Quid Card

£2.50

"Dad can I borrow 20 quid to get you a birthday present?" "How about I just keep the 20 quid?" "That works for me, happy birthday yeah!" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Birthday Day Off Card

£2.50

"I see you've applied for a day off on your birthday" "yeah, imagine being stuck in this shithole on your birthday" An apt birthday card for a colleague, employee, boss, or anyone who's used up all their holiday time and are feeling sorry for themselves. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten...

Sale!

Busiest Week Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

"I see you've applied for time off during our busiest week." "yeah, hopefully you'll have everything done by the time I get back." A productivity-boosting work-themed greetings card for the lazy tosser in your life. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and...

Appraisal Cunts Upstairs Card

£2.50

"we would like to point out to you that it's highly unprofessional to refer to us as 'the cunts upstairs' when sending out emails to our client database" "Fair enough, rules are rules" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it...

Customer Services Piss Myself Card

£2.50

Sale!

Bullshitters Refreshers Card

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

"I see you took yesterday off for a 'bullshitter's refresher course" "yeah here's my expenses" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Company Calendar Card

£2.50

"what's all these photos of you naked?" "just letting you know what I've got if you need to do a company calendar" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Cheese & Wine Goose Card

£2.50

Cheese & Wine Pills Card

£2.50

"I see you've got a Christmas card." "yes it's from the company who supply my hard on pills." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Cheese & Wine Decorations Card

£2.50

Cheese & Wine Decorations Christmas Card "All our Christmas cards are totally hand made this year." "I wondered why it all looked so fucking shit." This one is dedicated to Kirsty Allsopp. You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your...

Christmas Argument Card

£2.50

Christmas Argument Card "yeah all good here thanks, we've had the meal and we're just getting ready for the argument." You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Christmas Jumper Card

£2.50

"what d'you reckon?" "yeah I like it." "It's not too tight around the arms is it?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Christmas Game Card

£2.50

Christmas Dinner Card

£2.50

"this is nice all sitting down for Christmas dinner" "not if you talk all through this film, which I might add is shit" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Christmas List Card

£2.50

Christmas List Card "would you like me to get you a calendar this year?" "no I'm ok with this system thanks" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Dinner For One Card

£2.50

Dinner For One Card "It says this is a meal for one?" "Yeah I thought you'd bring something for yourself?" You can send this card direct to your loved one with a printed handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Always Be Mine Card

£2.50

CCTV Admirer Card

£2.50

Sale!

Cut Out Heart Valentine

~~£2.50~~ £1.50

Clear Up The Pisspots Postcard

£1.75

Dirty Old Fucker Postcard

£1.75

Dogs Pet Shop Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Dogs Pet Shop Card "and this is our most domesticated breed" "before I go anywhere, ask them how fast their broadband speed is at home" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Couch to 5k Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... "yeah, I'm thinking of doing the couch to 5k programme? Can I take a look at your couches?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Awkward Cunt Drink Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Awkward Cunt Drink Card "can I get you a drink sir?" "I dunno, can you?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Bonus Department Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Bonus Department Card "I got this work finished quicker than normal, what way is it to the bonus department?" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Boring Meeting Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Boring Meeting Card "ok if I look at my phone for a bit, this meeting's boring the fuck out of me" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Disruption Techniques Card

£2.50

Introducing 15 new Modern Toss cards... Disruption Techniques Card "he's very strong at disruption techniques" You can send this card direct to your mates or family with a handwritten message via Brainbox Candy here. Otherwise, add to basket below and write it your fucking self.

Do What You Want Postcard

£1.75

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